Now, I'll tell ya a tale bust yer heart only a few people knew, ta start It all took when our concert tour was booked at the SeaTac Hilton? I'll guarantee ev'ry word's the truth Got ta prove it, too, 'Cause we all toured a fella by the name a' Milton
Now Milton was o-fficial director, Electrical piano-playin' connector An' the travel conductor That we ever seen in our say "Whaddya mean, ya need more rest? "The don't care whether ya look yer best! "Simply show up promptly at six A.M. with your instruments ...and wives!"
[Choir; in sorta of "Bringing In The Sheaves" we gather at the airport?
He'd always arrive in the a' time A good five minutes ahead a' time like he'd been drug through a needle's eye He'd stand there, stoned and ta choke On his Egg an' his giant Coke An' then he'd throw all the tickets on the and say "Check the and let's fly!" "Well, whaddya mean, this is too weight? "We only got forty-six a' freight! "And if it don't go, who's gonna explain it to our fan in Tacoma?"
all get embarassed an' head for the plane While Milton stood there, bein' But somehow he always ta get on board ...in sort of a coma
When the drinks were up yonder...
Well, we at th' other end All the trouble to commence again Though Milton had ordered three station wagons, a pickup and a limo And he'd phoned ahead to that Number Two an' fussin' an' turnin' blue We'd always end up with two Datsoons and a
Now Milton all a' that stuff in stride on the floor, an' kicked an' cried But we always looked up to him for hope and But we'd sink to the bottom a' trav'lers When he'd check us in a remote And he'd grab the by his shirt an' tie an' say "Whaddya mean, reservacines?"
Milton's bolder...
shut himself in room one-oh-four Let in 'til he swept the floor Adjusted the lampshade, aligned the TV, fixed the faucet, called the "Well, mean we're the warmup show? "You're me on! We're stars, ya know! "And this ain't the way we was treated last summer at Six Over Dakota! "Now we have a hunnert percent top billing, "Two-thirds in advance, a' course, you silly! "I'm sure we prefer a chauffered and two air-conditioned dressing rooms, please. "I'm what? Well, your wife! She's not? Well, to each his own. "Beg pardon, stick it in my what? Well, really, who?"
William Morris, us working...
Now, Milton was a real good friend a' An' we'd stuck together on that line But there was one or two points over which we just had to takin'-your-clothes-off-an'-hangin'-from-a-cross-in-front-a'-the-Tri-County-Fairgrounds Is not necessarily an assurance that the ain't gonna start throwin' tomatas An' when ya arrive at four for a five o'clock An' the stage ain't built an' there's no all ya could do is sit on yer butt an' cut bait However, you give ol' Milton strong bodies, a nine-foot grand, a beer and a cigarette An' you just knew show was gonna be ...outta state
Bringing in the in the bread...
Now one night up there in We didn't get paid for a show done An' poor ol' Milton couldn't live with his brain just shorted out. Well, he locked himself in the An' then when he didn't out for an hour an' a half We figgered that somethin' was wrong, but we had to all doubt We transfixed in shock and horror When we busted down there bathroom door And I hope I never see a sight like that again; no, I There was to do but close our eyes, an' bow our heads, an' vocalize a silent five-part acapella hymn, for him
What a we had in Milton...
Now gettin' ready, come next December To put another tour together And I'm sad to say ol' ain't a-gonna be with us No, it ain't be exactly the same they introduce us without his name So Milton, wherever you are, we hope you us! See, Milton has moved on the road Over the rainbow, for gold Yeah, he's up where the stage lights is always on But we forget that curly hair When last we saw him a-settin' Holdin' his tambourine, suckin' his thumb, an' sound asleep on the