Merry Freakin' Christmas

School's out, Christmas break.
Home for the holidays, meatloaf and fruit cake.
Off to Grandma's, It's so boring.
Screaming kids, and Grandpa snoring!
My aunt Margret's lost her mind!
Trippin on a train set, have another box of wine!!!
It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!
I must be on Santa Claus's Shit List!
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss.
Shoot, me now, I'm sick of all my relatives! (relatives, relatives)
Have a merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!

Uncle Richard, He's a weirdo
Passing out pictures of himself in a speedo!
My cousin, Ashley, her singing really sucks!
Blames it on her drummer and her acid reflux!
My brother's wife is really hot!
She pulled me in the bathroom,
I hope we don't get caught!
It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!
I must be on Santa Claus's Shit List!!
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss!
Shoot, me now! I'm sick of all my relatives! (relatives, relatives!)
Have a Merry, Merry, Merry freakin' Christmas!

We haven't even opened our presents yet,
Now it's time to start....
I'll fake a smile, 'cause it's going back to Walmart....

(Sweetie, are you OK in there?) (ohhh...)