(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Rock Had Denver on the 8-track, gettin' high MaryBeth's wig was on the An' Arnold's was out the door When we shined our in Arnold's startled eyes I says "What chew boy? Don't chew know that's the law? We just gonna hafta get situation under control Now my is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Love Patrol."
Then two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' wine 'Bout mile south-east a' Council Bluffs They's passin' 'round the we caught 'em with our flashlight An' Willard's hairy applied the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got some You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this situation under I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
Then we ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on twenty-nine Like a auto ac-cessory store on wheels His was full a' hub caps An' his back seat a' tires we picked him up and made him spread his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You allowed t' one call We just gonna get this situation under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Clark We the Pottawattamie Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval Hinkle left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' His brain was wheelies An' his was three-two beer we nailed him in his driveway at his residence I says, "Orval, in trouble boy But if you'll blow this here up We gonna get situation under control Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' this Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Juice Patrol."
Then we's passin' by the Dew Inn when he heard this woman scream So we pulled on in an' parked an' got the out Well we on through the lobby into unit seventeen There's twenty-eight in there without no clothes on. I "Everbody up against the wall; show us yer identification. We just definitely get this situation under control 'Cause my is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go 'round in the dark some more, never know what yer gonna find.