(C.W. McCall, Fries, Chip Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Rock Had John Denver on the 8-track, gettin' wig was on the floor An' Arnold's feet was out the When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's eyes I "What chew doin' boy? Don't chew know against the law? We just hafta get this situation under control Now my name is Fairweather Lewis an' here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Love Patrol."
Then two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' 'Bout fourteen mile south-east a' Bluffs passin' 'round the peace-pipe When we 'em with our flashlight An' Willard's hairy hands the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got trouble You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this under control 'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on Like a midnight auto store on wheels His was full a' hub caps An' his back seat full a' When we picked him up and made him his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You allowed t' one call We just gonna hafta get this under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval Hinkle left the Go-Go Club on his motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' an' causin' accidents His was doin' wheelies An' his blood was three-two When we nailed him in his driveway at his I says, "Orval, you're in boy But if you'll blow here balloon up We get your situation under control Now I'm Captain Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Juice Patrol."
we's passin' by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman scream So we pulled on in an' an' got the guns out Well we bashed on through the lobby into seventeen There's folks in there without no clothes on. I says "Everbody up against the wall; us yer identification. We just gonna definitely get this under control 'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, never what yer gonna find.