(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Rock Had Denver on the 8-track, gettin' high MaryBeth's wig was on the An' Arnold's feet was out the When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's startled I says "What chew doin' Don't chew know that's against the We just hafta get this situation under control Now my is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Love Patrol."
Then two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' wine 'Bout fourteen mile south-east a' Council They's passin' 'round the When we 'em with our flashlight An' Willard's hairy hands the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got trouble You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this situation control I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Weed Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on a midnight auto ac-cessory store on wheels His trunk was a' hub caps An' his back full a' tires When we him up and made him spread his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You t' make one call We just gonna hafta get this under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this Willard Clark We the County Rip-off Patrol."
Then Hinkle left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' accidents His was doin' wheelies An' his was three-two beer When we nailed him in his at his residence I says, "Orval, in trouble boy But if you'll blow this balloon up We get your situation under control Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Juice Patrol."
Then we's passin' by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this scream So we on in an' parked an' got the guns out Well we on through the lobby into unit seventeen There's folks in there without no clothes on. I says "Everbody up against the wall; us yer identification. We gonna definitely get this situation under control 'Cause my name is Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, never know what yer gonna find.