(C.W. McCall, Fries, Chip Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Rock Had John Denver on the 8-track, high MaryBeth's wig was on the An' feet was out the door When we shined our flashlight in startled eyes I says "What chew doin' Don't chew know that's against the We just gonna hafta get this situation control Now my name is Fairweather Lewis an' here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' wine 'Bout fourteen mile a' Council Bluffs They's passin' the peace-pipe When we caught 'em our flashlight An' hairy hands applied the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got trouble You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this situation control I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Weed Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Marvin a-headin' south on twenty-nine a midnight auto ac-cessory store on wheels His was full a' hub caps An' his back seat a' tires we picked him up and made him spread his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You t' make one call We just gonna hafta get situation under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' His brain was doin' An' his was three-two beer When we nailed him in his driveway at his I says, "Orval, in trouble boy But if you'll blow this here up We gonna get your situation control Now I'm Captain Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
Then we's passin' by the Dew Drop Inn when he this woman scream So we pulled on in an' parked an' got the out Well we bashed on through the lobby into seventeen There's twenty-eight folks in there without no on. I says "Everbody up against the show us yer identification. We just gonna definitely get situation under control 'Cause my is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, never know what yer find.