(C.W. McCall, Fries, Chip Davis)
Now Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Rock Had John Denver on the 8-track, gettin' MaryBeth's wig was on the An' Arnold's feet was out the When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's startled I says "What chew doin' chew know that's against the law? We just gonna hafta get this situation under Now my name is Fairweather an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Love Patrol."
Then two in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' wine fourteen mile south-east a' Council Bluffs They's passin' the peace-pipe When we caught 'em our flashlight An' Willard's hairy applied the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got some You herb-i-cide. We just hafta get this situation under control 'Cause I'm Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Weed Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Marvin a-headin' south on twenty-nine Like a auto ac-cessory store on wheels His trunk was full a' hub An' his back seat a' tires When we picked him up and made him his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You t' make one call We just gonna hafta get situation under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard We the County Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval Hinkle left the Go-Go on his brand-new motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' accidents His brain was doin' An' his was three-two beer When we nailed him in his at his residence I says, "Orval, in trouble boy But if you'll this here balloon up We gonna get situation under control Now I'm Captain Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
Then we's by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman scream So we pulled on in an' an' got the guns out Well we bashed on through the lobby into seventeen twenty-eight folks in there without no clothes on. I "Everbody up against the wall; show us yer identification. We just gonna definitely get this situation under 'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Clark We the County Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, never what yer gonna find.