(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a down by the Deep Rock Had Denver on the 8-track, gettin' high MaryBeth's wig was on the An' feet was out the door When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's eyes I says "What chew boy? chew know that's against the law? We just hafta get this situation under control Now my name is Fairweather an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Love Patrol."
Then two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' an' sippin' wine 'Bout fourteen mile a' Council Bluffs passin' 'round the peace-pipe When we caught 'em with our An' hairy hands applied the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got trouble You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this under control 'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard We the County Weed Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on Like a midnight ac-cessory store on wheels His was full a' hub caps An' his back seat full a' When we picked him up and him spread his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You t' make one call We just gonna hafta get this situation control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' His was doin' wheelies An' his was three-two beer we nailed him in his driveway at his residence I says, "Orval, you're in boy But if blow this here balloon up We gonna get situation under control Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' here's Willard Clark We the County Juice Patrol."
Then we's by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman scream So we on in an' parked an' got the guns out Well we bashed on through the lobby into seventeen twenty-eight folks in there without no clothes on. I says "Everbody up the wall; show us yer identification. We gonna definitely get this situation under control 'Cause my is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, never what yer gonna find.