(C.W. McCall, Fries, Chip Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Had John on the 8-track, gettin' high MaryBeth's wig was on the An' Arnold's feet was out the When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's startled I says "What chew doin' Don't chew know that's against the We just gonna hafta get this situation under Now my name is Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Love Patrol."
Then two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' 'Bout fourteen mile south-east a' Bluffs They's passin' 'round the When we caught 'em our flashlight An' Willard's hairy hands the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got trouble You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this situation control 'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' on twenty-nine Like a midnight auto ac-cessory store on His trunk was a' hub caps An' his back seat a' tires When we him up and made him spread his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You t' make one call We just gonna get this situation under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard We the Pottawattamie Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' an' causin' accidents His brain was doin' An' his blood was three-two When we nailed him in his at his residence I says, "Orval, in trouble boy But if you'll this here balloon up We gonna get your under control Now I'm Captain Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
Then we's passin' by the Dew Inn when he heard this woman scream So we on in an' parked an' got the guns out we bashed on through the lobby into unit seventeen There's twenty-eight in there without no clothes on. I says "Everbody up against the wall; us yer identification. We just gonna definitely get this under control 'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' here's Willard Clark We the County Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the some more, never know what yer gonna find.