(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Had John Denver on the 8-track, gettin' MaryBeth's wig was on the An' Arnold's feet was out the When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's startled I says "What doin' boy? chew know that's against the law? We gonna hafta get this situation under control Now my name is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard We the County Love Patrol."
Then two in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' wine 'Bout fourteen mile south-east a' Council passin' 'round the peace-pipe When we caught 'em our flashlight An' Willard's hairy applied the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got trouble You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this under control 'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Clark We the County Weed Patrol."
Then we ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on twenty-nine Like a midnight auto store on wheels His trunk was a' hub caps An' his back full a' tires we picked him up and made him spread his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You allowed t' one call We just gonna hafta get situation under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard We the Pottawattamie Rip-off Patrol."
Then Hinkle left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' His brain was doin' An' his blood was beer When we him in his driveway at his residence I says, "Orval, you're in boy But if you'll blow this here up We gonna get situation under control Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' here's Willard Clark We the County Juice Patrol."
Then we's by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman scream So we pulled on in an' an' got the guns out Well we bashed on through the lobby into unit There's twenty-eight folks in there without no on. I says "Everbody up against the show us yer identification. We just gonna definitely get situation under control 'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard We the County Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark more, never know what yer gonna find.