(C.W. McCall, Fries, Chip Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Had John Denver on the 8-track, high MaryBeth's wig was on the An' feet was out the door When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's startled I says "What doin' boy? Don't know that's against the law? We just gonna get this situation under control Now my name is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Clark We the County Love Patrol."
Then two hippies in a puffin' grass an' sippin' wine fourteen mile south-east a' Council Bluffs They's passin' 'round the we caught 'em with our flashlight An' Willard's hairy applied the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got some You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get situation under control I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Weed Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' on twenty-nine Like a midnight auto ac-cessory on wheels His trunk was full a' hub An' his back seat full a' When we him up and made him spread his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You t' make one call We just hafta get this situation under control Cause, see, I'm Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the County Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' an' causin' accidents His was doin' wheelies An' his blood was beer When we nailed him in his at his residence I says, "Orval, in trouble boy But if you'll blow this balloon up We get your situation under control Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
Then we's passin' by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman So we pulled on in an' parked an' got the out Well we bashed on through the lobby into seventeen twenty-eight folks in there without no clothes on. I says "Everbody up against the wall; us yer identification. We just definitely get this situation under control 'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' this Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, know what yer gonna find.