(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Davis)
Now Arnold an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Rock Had John Denver on the 8-track, gettin' MaryBeth's wig was on the An' Arnold's feet was out the When we our flashlight in Arnold's startled eyes I says "What chew boy? Don't chew know that's against the We just gonna hafta get this situation under Now my name is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard We the Pottawattamie Love Patrol."
two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' wine 'Bout mile south-east a' Council Bluffs They's 'round the peace-pipe When we caught 'em with our An' hairy hands applied the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got some You herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this situation control 'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Clark We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on twenty-nine Like a auto ac-cessory store on wheels His trunk was a' hub caps An' his back full a' tires When we picked him up and made him his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You t' make one call We gonna hafta get this situation under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' here's Willard Clark We the County Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval Hinkle left the Go-Go on his brand-new motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' accidents His brain was doin' An' his blood was beer When we nailed him in his driveway at his I says, "Orval, you're in boy But if you'll this here balloon up We gonna get your situation under Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Clark We the County Juice Patrol."
Then we's passin' by the Dew Drop Inn he heard this woman scream So we pulled on in an' parked an' got the out Well we bashed on the lobby into unit seventeen There's twenty-eight folks in there no clothes on. I says "Everbody up the wall; show us yer identification. We gonna definitely get this situation under control 'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' here's Willard Clark We the County Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the some more, never know what yer gonna find.