Day One Nuala, Thank you very much for your lovely of a partridge in a pear-tree We're getting the hang of feeding the now, Although it was at first to win its confidence It bit the rather badly on the hand But they're friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket Thank you affectionately, Gobnait O'Lúnasa
Day Two Nuala, I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely of two turtle doves You really are too At first the partridge was jealous And suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the arrived We had to send for the vet but the birds are again And the stitches are due to out in a week or two The vet's was 8 but the mother is over her annoyance now And the doves and the partridge are watching the from the pear-tree as I write Yours ever, Gobnait
Day Nuala, We must be foremost in your I had only my letter when the three French hens arrived There was sort-out between the hens and the doves, Who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be for again The mother was raging because the bill was 16 this But she has almost cooled However, the fact that the birds' keep falling down On her whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters you for your kindness I remain, your
Day Nuala, You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds There was pandemonium in the pear-tree last night and the vet's bill was 32 The mother is on sedation as I I know you meant no and remain your close friend
Day Nuala, Your knows no bounds Five gold rings! When the parcel arrived I was scared that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious However, I want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings Your affectionate friend,
Day Six Nuala, What are you trying to do to us? It isn't that we appreciate your generosity But the six geese have not nearly murdered the calling birds But they laid their eggs on top of the vet's From the and his bill was 68 in cash! My mother is munching 60 of Valium a day And talking to herself in a most way You must keep your feelings for me in
Day Nuala, We are not by your little joke Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private We cannot use the now because they've gone completely savage And the door every time we try to enter If go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet Please lay off It is not fair
Day Nuala, Who the do you think gave you the right to send eight, Hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of and home? Their cattle are all the front lawn And have trampled the hell out of the mother's The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak And the ensuing battle between them and the birds, Turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Of the Somme seem like Wanderly The mother is on a bottle of a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium I'm very annoyed you
Day you looser! There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight I'm warning you, you're an enemy of me
Day Ten manure-face, I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers you sent to torment us last night They were in their evil work by those maniac drummers And it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the And see hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar My mother has just finished her third of whiskey, On top of a hundred and twenty grains of Valium get yours! Gobnait
Day You scandalized my mother, you dirty Jezebel, It was bad enough to have maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends the eleven Lords-a-leaping And the antics of the whole lot of them would The most days of the Roman Empire looking like Outlook I'll get you yet, you bag!
Day slurry head, You have ruined our The twelve maidens dancing turned up last And the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, 'Cause they found them carrying on the eleven Lords-a-leaping Meanwhile, the got out of the living-room, Where been hiding since the big battle, And savaged out of the Lords and all the Maids There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil as well The mother is in a for the bewildered And I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, whiskey And Valium bottles, birds' and feathers, While the flaming eat the leaves off the pear-tree I'm a man.