I'm happily married with a house and mistresses with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some And all the girls I got the big big breasteses I got a ten mansion on the beach With a pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much That to me Paris is poor white trash I forty-seven weeks of vacation a year If people piss me off I can 'em disappear time I sneeze I get a feature on the news The reporter "gesundheit" and hilarity ensues And how did I get to be the man I am? A god among men, only the tan simple, every time I have to make a choice I just listen to my inner voice, and he says "Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to nostrils" OK "Steal all the milk all the supermarkets and put it in the cows" "Find out species of rodent is the most flammable" OK "Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a and Philbin" Yeah!
So how do I my little cranial expressions Intuition, premonition, or demonic It could be God, an angel, or my uncle Paul Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing lives in my wall Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't know thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO And I can go off my rocket powered solid gold Benz I ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends "Record an all-banjo Falco album" Done, and done. "Put on a tutu, two live wiener dogs to your face, and prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop at me!'" OK "There's no reason not to have sex with a grater." Hmm, no, I not. "Set up a stand outside of with a plate full of frozen peas and a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you the hell your doing, give a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'"
He's become my friend, sticks with me to the end Thanks to him I'll never live on noodles again And always by my side, every minute, every hour it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower Still I can't complain he made me rich And figured out it was the opossum milk made me itch If it seems weird the voice made me do it I don't what he says I just get up and get to it "Itemize everything in your litter box for the next seven years and mail a to the President with a note saying 'Here!'" idea "It's time to find out what urinal cakes like" If you say so "Get a and white horizontally striped suit, a mask, and a bowling ball with a small length of rope from it, and around the airport." like fun "How old does a baby to be before it's too big to fit the toilet?" I don't know. find out. "Keep swallowing magnets until your can erase video tapes." do
So to that guy in my head I wanna say thanks For removin' my angst, so I'm no longer blanks And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable And Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch I followed his advice and now I'm makin' duckets If it wasn't for him I'd be processing McNuggets So when makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed Just listen to the voice in head, and he'll say "Fat are full of toys. Go get some!" Yeah! "Build a 20 tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking warm off a malnourished dolphin out of onions, pez, and lint." pleasure! "If Yanni didn't want to be set on and shoved down a of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now." Yeah, I so. "Go to a Playland, tie that big Officier Big Mac thing to the back of your car, and away at 90 mph. When a cop you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'" You got it! "Move to New Jersey and become a rap artist." Oh... do I to?