Idioglossia

It all comes back to me

Face to the floor
Heart in my mouth
My forehead hits the pavement
Again - numb - again
Sharing this humility
A circle of humanity
Momentarily black in me
Immomentarily black
So black

Memory leave me be
Close that eye leave love blind

When outcome is preceded
By an outlet that is needed
We forget all but the circle
As soon as the ends have met
As soon as the ends have met

I scratch the surface and see
Someone better than me
Where did I suffer that loss?
What was taken from me?

As I search through the ashes
For someone to blame
I'm afraid to see my face
As I walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
Meeting you have forced me
To meet myself

This blood proves me right
In that the last move is all that
Counts if the beasts must bite
Vow to the floor
Oath to the taste of dust
In my mouth - never!
I bite the words - never again!
Will I let anyone else finish
I'll be the end of every way

Memory let it die left behind
Leave me blind

Despite all these words
Not one could express
What I had inside
Living was to hide

Kneeling in whirlpools
Of pink champagne
Celebrating the bravery of my pain
Something broke
And no water could ever wash
The anger from that first stain

I scratched the surface to find
Someone wicked and blind
Where did it come to that end?
Why can't these scars ever mend?

Memories...

I have swallowed all these tears
Thought they'd be gone
After all these years
Now this heart is waking up
With a new hunger
For my own blood

As I search through the ashes
For someone to blame
I'm afraid to see my face
As I walk through the ashes
I whisper your name
Meeting you have forced me
To meet myself

Face to the ground
Heart in their mouth Foreheads hit the pavement
Again - numb - again
Sharing my hostility
A streetful of insanity
This is payback for every
Tear in me, hole in me
Black in me - black!

Memory history agony
Let me see that hideous
Idioglossia that formed me

Despite all these words
Not one could express
What I had inside
Living was to hide

For every time you froze me out
For every punch every shout
For not believing in me
For your stupidity
For stealing what could have been
Me

It all comes back to you

Is this all I am?