(I Must Be A Proctologist Because...) All I Do Is Deal With Assholes

well, contrary to what you think
and what you've seen on mtv
you don't have to be an asshole all the time

watch me as i take this knife out of
my back to cut wrists and throat, i'll laugh
bleed to death, choke

i've been used for all i'm worth
can't feed your ego anymore
or be that friend who'd take a shot for you

why not do one fucking thing
that isn't for your fucking self
if you cry
i'll laugh at you

cause i'll be gone tomorrow, you'll
look into the mirror at you'll lie
when you claim to care

i can't believe he's gone for good, i
wish i could have said something
don't kid yourself
you were never there for me
complacency

when you talk to me
all the kids agree
you're irreverent as you feign respect for me

anger and pressure
build up inside of me
i'll explode
and you'll fake a frown

so are you happy now
yeah, you got what you wanted
you got your 3rd second chance
and got the $15
out of your pocket

my last will and testament will
claim you shall get stoned to shit at my
my funeral

and when i'm gone tomorrow
you'll talk to your new shiny friends
and you'll lie
when you claim to care

let's have a toast to our old friend, he'll
be there in our memories
go fuck yourself
i wont waste my time there

and it's so easy [repeat]
to just give up