I'm Sorry

I should be dead maybe I got nine lives?
Seven left cos I've already died twice
I'm glad it wasn't bye-bye Because
its my time to do it without the high-life
what I'm making is really dope
but i needa talk about some shit that
happened a year ago hold up
let me clear my throat yo im about to get deep
but i really hope you feel it though.

See talking about it hurts it's when
I was an addict but i was at my worst
No-one knew I didn't tell one person
couldn't bring myself to do it cos i felt like a burden.
Give me any drug I was chewing em up
if I have nine lives then I'm using em up.
No-one knew my addiction it was stupid as fuck
90 pills daily of nurofen plus

I know that's extreme and i should be dead right
but i was so fucked up
my tolerance was that high
that's the thing with the codeine addiction it's over the counter so you don't need prescriptions

That's three packets in a day
I didnt get high but i would have
em anyway because if I didn't take em then
I would be hitting withdraws and guess what?
All of this was mid-tour

and i cant play in this form
having shit thoughts like i got nothing to live for
I was a zombie i couldnt feel nothing
I smashed four packets
cos i just wanted to feel something
yo I overdosed fo'sure I was at the
venue i was going to preform
I can't remember see I was told in the report
my tour manager found me convulsing on the floor everyone surrounding no one knowing what its for
literally no one knew I was going through it all
I fucked up I should be knowing this before I'm a fucking junkie how am I going on a tour?
I let down my fans and i owe it to them all
that's why I'm being honest and
so open with it all it's so hard
not knowing what is wrong
I can't talk about it so I wrote it in this song

woke up in hospital going through withdraws
someone guarding my bed but nobody would talk
no phone there nobody to call
saying what the fuck is going on
and no one would inform me

And I'm not knowing what's it's for tubes everywhere if only I could walk
a man approaches am I alright doc?
Then he tells me I'm on suicide watch
I'm a danger to myself I wouldn't believe him
I didn't try kill myself but they wouldn't believe me
I spent a month in a hospital bed
living in a nightmare and
i just want it to end

I'm thinking to myself have I got any friends?
Or friends who don't use have I got any left?
There's many times where I would want to be dead
but we've lost too many and I don't want to be next
now im happy I got me some rest
I know fo'sure now i don't want it again
the harder I hit the gym then the stronger I get
the more the devil on my shoulder
hasn't got any strength
I let my fans and my family down
the people standing by me are like family now
yo im sorry to anyone who's a fan of me
I understand if you wanted to abandon me

But if it wasn't for my family
I Woulda tied the knot on the
rope the devil handed me.
I gotta show ma 'father and my mum love
and let em know that
it's not them that fucked up
now you got a quality son
if i say im gonna do it
then the job will get done
I embrace any pain now im not gonna run
the gyms a new addiction but a positive one

the battle with addiction it's a battle on its own
the worst part is I try battle it alone
so if your hearing this and your battling at home
tell somebody because your family should know!
I'm loving life now I'm getting it back
if I can do this shit fucking anyone can
can't remember cos I blacked out
but I wouldn't change a thing cos it
made me who I am now