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By Roger Brown, Ruan O'Lochlainn and Donald

I KNOW A PLACE WILD BUT SAFE,
WHERE OAK TREES GROW PINE.
WHERE THE BIG BAD WOLF MEETS RED HOOD
AND THEY LAUGH AND GET ALONG FINE.

AND I THINK OF YOU AND THINK OF ME,
I WHO'S YOU A WHICH IS ME.
WHEN THE CLOCK TWELVE,
IT BE SAFE FOR ME?

I KNOW A IN THE US OF A,
WHERE THE OF LIBERTY STANDS TALL.
WHERE A FAT PUSSY CAT AND A LITTLE MOUSE
HAPPY AT A BALL.

AND WHEN I THINK OF YOU AND OF ME,
I WONDER WHO'S YOU A IS ME.
WILL THE FAT PUSSY CAT EAT THIS WHITE MOUSE FOR TEA?

SCOUSE IN ANIMO TO HIS FRIEND, GEOFFREY THE CAT

DON'T EAT ME, BE FRIENDS,
DON'T EAT ME, BE FRIENDS,
DON'T EAT ME, BE FRIENDS,
EAT ME, LET'S BE FRIENDS.

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HERE'S A YOU MAY HAVE HEARD BEFORE, "SNOW UP YOUR NOSE FOR CHRISTMAS". HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!"

SNOW UP NOSE FOR CHRISTMAS...

SCOUSE LEFT THE STAGE AND JOINED THE CAT AT HIS TABLE.
"I CAN SEE YOU MEAN."
"I YOU WOULD."
"LOOK HERE, WE'VE GOT A LITTLE PLACE, WE CALL IT 'THE DISCATEQUE'. HOW ABOUT A DRINK AND A DANCE AND CONVERSATION?"
"WHY NOT?"
"I WILL SCRATCHING ON YOUR CABIN DOOR."

SOON MIDNIGHT, SCOUSE HEARD A GENTLE SCRATCH AND FAINT MEOW. GEOFFREY WAS WAITING OUTSIDE.
"WHAT'S THAT GOT THERE?"
"BRITISH BAG. A FEW PRESENTS FOR THE CATS."
"COME ON!"
"WHERE ARE WE GOING?"
"YOU'LL SEE."
ALONG THE MAIN CORRIDOR AND DOWN FLIGHTS OF STEPS, TO A LITTLE TRAP DOOR WHICH SWUNG IN EACH DIRECTION. A LITTLE DOOR MARKED 'DANGER! INSPECTION TRAP!'.
"THROUGH HERE."
SCOUSE FELT HIMSELF FALLING THROUGH SPACE. HE WITH A BUMP.
"YOU, YOU HAD KILLED ME!"
"SUPPOSE SO. WHERE WE ARE?"
"NO?"
"INSPECTION SHAFT. ABOVE THE OCEAN HERE."
"IT'S COLD AND DAMP! IS, IS THE DISCATEQUE?"
"YES, IT'S A FLOOR FOR DANCING."
"WHERE, ARE THE CATS?"
MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!... (cat noises)
"LET'S SOME LIGHT! THERE'S A MOON! HEAVE-HO! MY HEARTY!"
A SMALL POT HOLE WAS OPENED. SCOUSE COULD THE SEA.
"WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DANCE NOW AND AFTER WE'LL SENTENCE YOU!"
"OH, FOR?"
"PRETENDING TO BE A HUMAN BEING. ENGAGE, CHAPS! THE IS ON."
"THERE'S NO MUSIC?"
"WE MAKE THE MUSIC. HEARD OF A CATERWAUL?"