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{Alright now boys and girls got another story for you now
We want to introduce to you another of the Bible}

yeah
Hell
Hell
Hell

If I were God there would be no sex on TV
Like little Opie eating pie when he it with Aunt Bea

If I were God thou shall not false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor to the Bible
Thou make fun of Hindus, thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God what I'd do, Heavens no

yeah
Hell
Hell
Hell

If I were God I'd get a bunch of to do everything
Norwegian lesbians feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks Flip-Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall thou shall even wife swap
Thou resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut Footloose
If I were God what I'd do, Heavens no

yeah
Hell
Hell
yeah

And they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Hay-Zeus and steals from cars
Oh, can I borrow your crowbar?

To pry these God damn out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this T-shirt
I can't believe it's not butter, I'll sing as I'm
Yeah, what I would do if I were God

So vote for me for Savior and go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double
You just teach an old God new tricks

But would I be a good Messiah with my low
If I don't believe in myself would be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy than thou facade
Yeah, that's what I would do if I God

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