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{Alright now boys and we've got another story for you now
We want to introduce to you friend of the Bible}

Hell
yeah
Hell
Hell

If I God there would be no explicit sex on TV
little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea

If I were God thou not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus, shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

yeah
Hell
Hell
Hell

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do
Norwegian lesbians feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube with Flip-Flops
Thou sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou not cut Footloose
If I were God that's what I'd do, no

yeah
Hell
Hell
Hell

And when they my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the Hay-Zeus and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh, can I borrow your crowbar?

To pry these God damn nails out they're to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy
I can't believe it's not butter, I'll sing as I'm
Yeah, that's I would do if I were God

So vote for me for and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin in "Seven"
With creepy of H-E-Double Hockey-Stick
You can't teach an old God new tricks

But I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself that be blasphemy?
sport some crummy holier than thou facade
Yeah, that's I would do if I were God