Hey kids, listen up if you want to be 'Cause your dinner looks something from a Cronenburg flick Think twice before you cuss and shout "damn damn" Let me tell you a story about eggs and ham. There was a yellow man called Sam-I-Am me! I don't like you, Well, that's fine, that's cool, I But do you like green and ham? I don't like eggs and ham No, I like 'em, Sam-I-Am Would you like them here or I wouldn't like anywhere 'Cause I do not them, Sam-I-Am No, I don't like eggs and ham Would you like them in a Would you like them with a mouse? Maybe you can't hear, you got something in your No I'm make this perfectly clear I would not them in a house, I would not like them with a mouse I would not like them here or there, I wouldn't like anywhere 'Cause I do not them, Sam-I-Am, No, not for me, green and ham Would you like if I served them to you in a box Candlelight, and a bottle of scotch? Yeah, some lighting, soft music, maybe some Fred Penner on the blaster... Not in a box with a fox or a house with a bugging me, you louse! I not eat them, no, man, I don't like your green eggs and ham Well, would you could you in a car, eat them, deny who you are He's gonna like them, gonna see You might like up in a tree No, not in a tree, not in a car, you let me be No fox no box no house no mouse, not here, there, or 'Cause you guessed it, I don't like green and ham I don't like 'em, A train, a train, a train, a train! Would you, could you in a Or up in an How in the dark? We could drive and park We listen to the crickets and the pit bulls bark No, not in a plane, not in the dark, not on a train, not in a car, not up a 'Cause I don't 'em, Sam, see, Not in a schoolhouse or a shoebox a house-mouse or a red fox Not here, there, and Didn't even like the Beatles with long, long hair. Hey! You lay off the Beatles, buddy! I'll lay on whoever I want. And buddy me...buddy. Well, you don't green eggs and ham Oh, Mr. Perception, Well I know that like 'em if you ate 'em with a goat! I would not could not a goat would you could you on a boat I would not could not on a And I will not with a goat I'm not interested in stuffing in the rain, on a train, I should you to my friend pain Not in the dark, not up a tree, Not on fine china with Earl Grey Tea No boxes, foxes, houses, mouses, and wives - no spouses! Why you to make me eat that? I don't it, I wouldn't serve it to my cat I said already, I don't them, Sam-I-Am, I do not green eggs ham! Mr. Cheese! You just you don't like them, so you say And beginning to remind me of Doris Day You say you don't this and you don't like that Well starting to sound like a finicky cat Just try them, try them, and you may you like nothing better than Two greenish eggs over in the fry-pan And to accompany this fine taste we Martian ham - pork from space! Now Sam, if you get out of my I'll try that and puke all the place (good!) Nothing makes a crowd more quick Than a great big of sick! Say...say...not bad, green and ham I I like them, Sam-I-Am And I'd eat in a boat, with a billy goat, I'd eat them in the rain in the dark on a In a car, up a tree, they're good, you see So I'd eat in a box with a fox I'd eat them in a and with the house-mouse I'd eat them here, I'd eat there I'd eat in my Fruit-of-the-Loom underwear I think you're ok, Well, I wouldn't let you down, you old man! Hey, we share them, eh, we got enough ..Are you kidding? I don't eat stuff!