Give Me News I Can Use

Good evening one and all, this is Channel 24
Bringing you the latest news around the world
Down in Florida today, someone tried to get away
When he commandeered the train at Disney World

Until noon it was a standoff, but then he lost his luck
When someone shot him down, dressed up like Donald Duck
It was a midget G-man and we're sorry that we could not show it live
But we'll have film of the shooting here at five

Give me some news I can use, let me smile for a while
For the madness has taken it's toll
Give me some news I can use, just a break for the sake
Of my mind which is losing control

From Washington today, called a senator to say
That our future has been canceled 'cause we're broke
We called the white house without end finally reached the President
Says he don't know if it's real or just a joke

And last night at the playoffs, things got pretty grim
They crucified the referee and tore him limb from limb
Ah, you should have been there and in the weather
There's a hurricane in sight
And that's the way it is with us tonight

Give me some news I can use, let me smile for a while
For the madness has taken it's toll
Give me some news I can use, just a break for the sake
Of my mind which is losing control

Seems like every single day another mind gets blown away
And the world goes just a little more insane
I got problems of my own, tryin' to keep my house and home
And I sure could stand some cheerful news again

My agent called to tell me my record's on the chart
It's number 90 with an anchor, I never said that it was art
I gotta eat too, ya know and my buddy who still owes me for his bail
He says, "don't worry, your check is in the mail"

Give me some news I can use, let me smile for a while
For the madness has taken it's toll
Give me some news I can use, just a break for the sake
Of my mind which is losing control