I'm sick and tired of my generation getting For the state of the planet, I'm sick of my generation called 'The TV generation', "Well all you do is watch TV" did you expect? We watched lee harvey oswald get shot
Live on tv one Sunday morning, we were to change The fucking channel for the next years "This show sucks", "Yeah, but might get shot the commercial, now hang on!
That's what's wrong with this country, we always shoot the guys We J F K, we shoot R F K and it comes to teddy, we go "Ahh, leave him alone, he'll it up himself, no problem, you know" Biggest in the whole goddamn Kennedy family
Nobody takes a shot on me, he about seven thousand pounds You could a bullet in Los Angeles and hit him in the ass in Boston Five minutes later, be standing on the lawn At the compound going, "Ah There's a bullet in my ass, ah"
Ted kennedy, senator, but a bad date You know what I'm saying, folks? One of those who gets home At four o'clock in the and goes, "What did I forget? Oh! The fucking girl! What's the with me? Jesus, where are my Holy shit!
I'll tell you folks, we got a real problem with guns In country, we have people snapping Almost twice, three, four, times a year, right? People just snap, they can't it anymore, they just snap
They go into Mcdonalds and kill fifteen I mean what the fuck is going on down at the post six months some guy gets fired, comes back And all his co-workers
If I worked at the post office as a I wouldn't lay anybody off for the next twenty-five fucking I'd just walk going, "Hanrahan, what're you doing?" "Nothing" "Well, keep it up, you're doing a great job! Jesus, tell ya"
And I am and tired for New York city taking the blame In country for the crime problem, you know Whenever you read a fact chart, it always says Detroit leads the In rape and murder and everything else, but New takes the blame
"New a cess pool, it's a cess pool of filth and crime moving", "Hey! I just moved here four years ago And I'm not leaving, because this is the most exciting In the to live"
Oh yeah! Yeah! are so many ways to die in New York city Come on! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway Construction cranes collapsing on the Manhole covers blowing up, shooting into the sky
We had a subway crash a couple of years ago Five people died, the next day found the driver was drunk And hooked on crack, folks, this Disneyland Look a fucking bike ride, doesn't it?
"Your today is Edward, he's drunk and hooked on crack The man next to you has a loaded nine-millimeter luck, folks!", "Honey, get the camera!" This is gonna be great!"
Yeah, I love living in New York, man and people who in New York We wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve we know That fact everybody! "I was in vietnam" "So what? I in New York!", "Really?
Yeah, 'cause New York you to live life the way It be lived, moment to moment, yes Because every moment in New York be your last Oh yeah,
You could be walking the street tomorrow good about yourself, drink free, drug free Looking forward to the And somebody accidently nudges poodle off of a 75th floor ledge
Doink! And he's for the ground At a hundred and seventy thousand miles per hour And curchunk he's impeded in your head! You're on contact The headline in the post the next day reads, "Man by best friend"
cut the article out and they laugh about it at the office And forever remembered as the poodle man! "I the poodle man and he hated fucking poodles"
New york teaches you to live life moment to And by street and beat to beat Because we've all played that ot street game in New York Haven't we? Yes we have, good block, bad block, good block, bad Gun block, crack block, block, poodle block! Poodle block
'Cause most think, "Life sucks, and then you die" I disagree, I life sucks, then you get cancer Then you go into chemotherapy and you lose all hair You feel bad about yourself, all of the sudden The cancer goes into
You good, you feel good, you're going great And all of the sudden you a stroke, you can't move your right side And one day you step off the at 68th by Lincoln center and bang You get hit by a bus and then, maybe, you die
Because I think Jim said it best when he said "Anybody got any aspirin? I I got a cold" And a chill filled the room, we all this incredible attachment To the muppets, we? "We love the muppets! They're so cute!"
Did you hear about Jim Hensen's funeral? Here in New York city, Kermit the frog and big bird "It's not easy being green" At Jim Hensen's funeral, if I'm years old When I kick the bucket and a sock is singing at my funeral
I'm pop out of the coffin and go "Hey! What the Hell is this about? Sammy Davis Jr. Frank Sinatra And I get a sock? I'm really off now!