Dear Penthouse

Dear Penthouse
Rodney Carrington

Dear Penthouse: Im a freshman at a small Midwestern university
And I never thought something like this could happen to me
When my teacher with the dynamite ass, asked me to stay after class
And she started to undress
I cant forget the statement she made
If you drop you pants Ill raise your grade

(Girl) Dear Penthouse: I never thought those letters were true until
I was on a fishing trip and I met a girl named Jill
We had a little too much to drink
I couldnt believe what I was starting to think
So we headed to her tent, theres nothing like eating out
Though the next morning my mouth still smelled like trout

Chorus
Ive read every issue since 1974
The first two years behind the bathroom door
I poured through every Penthouse I could find
Even though my mom said Id go blind
Dear Penthouse: Im a seaman first class at an overseas naval base
Its been seven long months since Ive seen a womans face
When I saw your recent issue, I took a box of Kleenex tissue
And I locked the barracks door
Thanks to you Ive gotten a grip, please excuse my jerky penmanship
Chorus
Dear Penthouse: Doing sports on the radio has always been my job
Ive never wanted a man until I noticed BOB
When were close I start to perspire
His little buns set my loins on fire
And I dream about the day hell say, Chick lets get undressed
Name and address held upon request