Oh me a break! I couldn't a wink last night, it was making me mental. I I can't believe that I, Ed Grimely, was asked to for the amazing Suncoast middle school annual PTA pancake supper. Like I you could do better than that, no way. It's almost as insane as the time I got to Pat Sejak, who's a decent guy I must say. Oh and one thing- today should be Pat Sejak, no way, but again, maybe it should, it's difficult to say, no,
Today's about Today's Dazzle
I'm knocking dead! You made Shane laugh so hard, gatorade came out his nose. My dad is helping me get my script while my mom helps me get my hair stuck up into a point! My costume is perfect a collared shirt buttoned to the top and high waisted pants just a hint of mooseknuckle. he enjoys. You know what mooseknuckle is don't toe for boys!
I am a very sensitive kid. While my is out playing baseball, I spend hours lying on the living room floor reading the encyclopedia Britannica or tenderly pressing my to the screen of our TV console When Captain James T. is on the other side of the glass. One morning my mother flies in my and demands "Why are there lipmarks all the TV set?" For I can not fully explain, something inside me says "don't tell her"
One day, I'm looking the encyclopedia trying to find a picture of Michaelangelo's David, when I stumble across a passage about- Camouflage
In WWI, the military used to paint battle ships with wild patterns. This dazzle camouflage confused the enemy's rangefinders, so huge boats hide in plain sight, and bomber planes would just pass them by.
A goes off. If I could dazzle everyone around me, I hide in plain sight. Then, maybe I would hear Fessler say, "Dude, you're funny" instead of "Dude, you're a faggot"
So I tuck away quiet me, sensitive me. And I dazzle me! And I have a different cards in my razzle dazzle deck
Class Camouflage! at me, I teach drivers ed! Joe Camouflage! field trip sucks! Camouflage!
Yup, I have girlfriends, second grade all the way to my junior year of college. Hey, wanna come after school? We can watch MTV The hours I holding hands with girls was equaled only by the hours I spend in my bedroom making my action figures go at it.
Batman, do you me? I do Lantern! Lantern, you said you loved me! Aquaman? I did not see you standing there! Have you been working
I am so good at dazzle camouflage, I'm a one man Ed Sullivan show! Do the Frog! Hi Ho, it's the Muppet show, our very special guest, Ms. Joan Van Ark, yay! Do Simpson! Marge, I ate all lunchbox Pee Wee Herman! Sure he's not too good today! Kahn! Darling, I would not ask this, but while you're down there, would you mind terribly tying my shoe? Whoa dude, are you being a girl? about Ed Grimely? Ed Grimely! I say I must say like today should be about Pat Sejak! (Dazzle camouflage in background) No way, but again, maybe it should, it's difficult to say. No, today is about the Suncoast school annual PTA pancake supper.
After the pancake supper, I'm riding in the car with my parents. They're so proud, and happy. We get home, I peel off my makeshift costume, take a shower, and go into my room and lock the door. I'm so tired. Tired from constantly scanning to see if anyone will ever be to put together the truth: that Shane Fessler is right. Keeping a is a full time job and I am exhausted. I pull out my Speedo catalogue from in between my mattress and box spring. One day, I be in the arms of a real speedo man. I my eyes. I am so tired.