Oh me a break! I sleep a wink last night, it was making me mental. I I can't believe that I, Ed Grimely, was to perform for the amazing Suncoast middle school annual PTA pancake supper. Like I suppose you could do than that, no way. It's as insane as the time I got to meet Pat Sejak, who's a decent guy I must say. Oh and one thing- should be about Pat Sejak, no way, but then again, it should, it's difficult to say, no,
about Today's Today's Dazzle
I'm knocking dead! You made Shane Fessler laugh so hard, gatorade out his nose. My dad is helping me get my script together while my mom helps me get my hair stuck up a point! My costume is perfect a collared shirt buttoned to the top and high waisted pants just a hint of mooseknuckle. he enjoys. You know what is don't you? toe for boys!
I am a gentle sensitive kid. While my brother is out baseball, I spend hours lying on the living room floor the encyclopedia Britannica or tenderly pressing my lips to the screen of our TV console When Captain James T. is on the other side of the glass. One morning my mother in my bedroom and demands "Why are there all over the TV set?" For reasons I can not fully explain, inside me says "don't tell her"
One day, I'm looking through the encyclopedia trying to find a picture of Michaelangelo's David, when I across a passage about- Dazzle
In WWI, the military used to paint ships with wild eye-catching patterns. This dazzle camouflage confused the enemy's rangefinders, so huge boats could in plain sight, and bomber planes would just pass them by.
A lightbulb off. If I could dazzle everyone around me, I could in plain sight. Then, maybe I would Shane Fessler say, "Dude, you're funny" instead of "Dude, you're a faggot"
So I tuck away quiet me, sensitive me. And I become me! And I have a million different cards in my razzle deck
Class Camouflage! Look at me, I drivers ed! Joe Camouflage! field trip sucks! Camouflage!
Yup, I girlfriends, from second grade all the way to my junior year of college. Hey, wanna come after school? We can watch MTV The hours I spend holding hands with girls was equaled only by the hours I spend in my bedroom making my figures go at it.
Batman, do you me? I do Lantern! Green Lantern, you said you me! I did not see you standing there! Have you been working out?
I am so good at dazzle camouflage, I'm like a one man Ed show! Do the Frog! Hi Ho, it's the Muppet show, with our very guest, Ms. Joan Van Ark, yay! Do Simpson! Marge, I ate all lunchbox Pee Wee Herman! Sure he's not feeling too today! Kahn! Darling, I would not normally ask this, but while you're down there, you mind terribly tying my shoe? Whoa dude, are you being a girl? about Ed Grimely? Ed Grimely! I must say I must say like should be about Pat Sejak! (Dazzle camouflage in background) No way, but then again, maybe it should, difficult to say. No, today is about the Suncoast middle annual PTA pancake supper.
After the pancake supper, I'm riding home in the car my parents. They're so proud, and happy. We get home, I peel off my sweaty costume, take a shower, and go into my room and lock the door. I'm so tired. Tired from constantly scanning to see if anyone will ever be able to put together the truth: that Fessler is right. a secret is a full time job and I am exhausted. I out my tattered Speedo catalogue from in between my mattress and box spring. One day, I will be in the arms of a speedo man. I my eyes. I am so tired.