Oh me a break! I couldn't sleep a last night, it was making me mental. I mean I believe that I, Ed Grimely, was asked to perform for the amazing Suncoast middle school PTA pancake supper. Like I you could do better than that, no way. almost as insane as the time I got to meet Pat Sejak, who's a pretty guy I must say. Oh and one thing- today be about Pat Sejak, no way, but again, maybe it should, it's difficult to say, no,
about Today's Today's Dazzle
I'm knocking dead! You made Shane laugh so hard, gatorade came out his nose. My dad is helping me get my script while my mom helps me get my hair stuck up into a point! My costume is perfect a collared shirt buttoned to the top and waisted pants with just a hint of mooseknuckle. he enjoys. You know mooseknuckle is don't you? toe for boys!
I am a very sensitive kid. my brother is out playing baseball, I spend hours lying on the living room floor reading the encyclopedia Britannica or tenderly my lips to the screen of our TV console When Captain James T. Kirk is on the side of the glass. One my mother flies in my bedroom and demands "Why are there lipmarks all the TV set?" For I can not fully explain, something inside me says "don't tell her"
One day, I'm looking through the encyclopedia trying to find a picture of Michaelangelo's David, I stumble across a passage about- Dazzle
In WWI, the used to paint battle ships with wild eye-catching patterns. This dazzle camouflage the enemy's rangefinders, so huge boats could hide in plain sight, and bomber planes would just pass them by.
A goes off. If I could dazzle everyone around me, I could in plain sight. Then, I would hear Shane Fessler say, "Dude, you're funny" instead of "Dude, you're a faggot"
So I away quiet me, sensitive me. And I become dazzle me! And I have a million different cards in my razzle dazzle
Class Camouflage! Look at me, I teach ed! Joe Camouflage! This trip sucks! Camouflage!
Yup, I have girlfriends, from second grade all the way to my junior of college. Hey, wanna come over school? We can watch MTV The hours I spend holding hands girls was equaled only by the hours I spend in my bedroom making my action figures go at it.
Batman, do you me? I do Lantern! Green Lantern, you you loved me! Aquaman? I did not see you standing there! Have you been out?
I am so good at camouflage, I'm like a one man Ed Sullivan show! Do the Frog! Hi Ho, it's the Muppet show, our very special guest, Ms. Joan Van Ark, yay! Do Simpson! Marge, I ate all lunchbox Pee Wee Herman! Sure not feeling too good today! Kahn! Darling, I would not normally ask this, but while you're down there, you mind terribly tying my shoe? Whoa dude, are you being a What about Ed Grimely? Ed Grimely! I must say I must say today should be about Pat Sejak! (Dazzle camouflage in background) No way, but then again, maybe it should, it's to say. No, today is about the middle school annual PTA pancake supper.
After the pancake supper, I'm home in the car with my parents. They're so proud, and happy. We get home, I peel off my sweaty makeshift costume, take a shower, and go into my and lock the door. I'm so tired. Tired from constantly scanning to see if anyone will ever be able to put together the that Shane Fessler is right. Keeping a secret is a time job and I am exhausted. I pull out my tattered Speedo catalogue from in my mattress and box spring. One day, I will be in the arms of a speedo man. I my eyes. I am so tired.