Oh me a break! I couldn't sleep a last night, it was making me mental. I mean I believe that I, Ed Grimely, was asked to perform for the amazing Suncoast middle annual PTA pancake supper. Like I suppose you do better than that, no way. It's almost as insane as the time I got to Pat Sejak, a pretty decent guy I must say. Oh and one thing- should be about Pat Sejak, no way, but then again, maybe it should, difficult to say, no,
Today's about Today's Camouflage
I'm them dead! You made Shane Fessler so hard, gatorade came out his nose. My dad is helping me get my script together while my mom helps me get my stuck up into a point! My costume is perfect a collared shirt buttoned to the top and high waisted with just a hint of mooseknuckle. he enjoys. You know what is don't you? toe for boys!
I am a gentle sensitive kid. my brother is out playing baseball, I spend hours on the living room floor reading the encyclopedia Britannica or tenderly pressing my lips to the screen of our TV console When Captain James T. Kirk is on the side of the glass. One morning my flies in my bedroom and demands "Why are there lipmarks all the TV set?" For reasons I can not explain, something inside me says "don't tell her"
One day, I'm looking the encyclopedia trying to find a picture of Michaelangelo's David, when I stumble across a passage about- Dazzle
In WWI, the military used to battle ships with wild eye-catching patterns. This dazzle camouflage confused the enemy's rangefinders, so huge boats could hide in plain sight, and bomber planes would just pass by.
A lightbulb off. If I could dazzle everyone around me, I could hide in sight. Then, maybe I would hear Fessler say, "Dude, you're funny" instead of "Dude, you're a faggot"
So I tuck away quiet me, me. And I become dazzle me! And I have a million different cards in my razzle deck
Clown Camouflage! Look at me, I drivers ed! Joe Camouflage! field trip sucks! Camouflage!
Yup, I have girlfriends, from second grade all the way to my year of college. Hey, wanna over after school? We can watch MTV The hours I spend holding hands with girls was equaled only by the hours I in my bedroom making my action figures go at it.
Batman, do you me? I do Lantern! Green Lantern, you you loved me! Aquaman? I did not see you there! Have you been working out?
I am so good at dazzle camouflage, I'm like a one man Ed show! Do the Frog! Hi Ho, it's the Muppet show, our very special guest, Ms. Joan Van Ark, yay! Do Simpson! Marge, I ate all Lisa's Pee Wee Herman! Sure he's not too good today! Kahn! Darling, I would not normally ask this, but you're down there, would you mind terribly tying my shoe? dude, are you being a girl? What about Ed Grimely? Ed Grimely! I must say I must say today should be about Pat Sejak! (Dazzle camouflage in background) No way, but again, maybe it should, it's difficult to say. No, is about the Suncoast middle school annual PTA pancake supper.
After the pancake supper, I'm riding in the car with my parents. They're so proud, and happy. We get home, I peel off my sweaty makeshift costume, take a shower, and go my room and lock the door. I'm so tired. Tired constantly scanning to see if anyone will ever be able to put together the truth: that Shane Fessler is right. Keeping a secret is a time job and I am exhausted. I out my tattered Speedo catalogue from in between my mattress and box spring. One day, I will be in the arms of a real man. I my eyes. I am so tired.