Oh me a break! I sleep a wink last night, it was making me mental. I mean I can't that I, Ed Grimely, was to perform for the amazing Suncoast middle school annual PTA pancake supper. Like I suppose you could do than that, no way. It's almost as insane as the I got to meet Pat Sejak, who's a pretty decent guy I say. Oh and one today should be about Pat Sejak, no way, but then again, maybe it should, difficult to say, no,
Today's Today's Today's Dazzle
I'm knocking dead! You made Shane Fessler laugh so hard, came out his nose. My dad is helping me get my script together while my mom helps me get my hair stuck up a point! My costume is perfect a collared shirt buttoned to the top and high waisted pants with a hint of mooseknuckle. he enjoys. You what mooseknuckle is don't you? toe for boys!
I am a gentle sensitive kid. While my is out playing baseball, I spend lying on the living room floor reading the encyclopedia Britannica or tenderly pressing my lips to the screen of our TV console When Captain James T. Kirk is on the other of the glass. One morning my mother flies in my bedroom and "Why are lipmarks all over the TV set?" For reasons I can not fully explain, something me says "don't tell her"
One day, I'm looking through the encyclopedia trying to find a picture of Michaelangelo's David, when I stumble a passage about- Dazzle
In WWI, the military used to paint battle ships with eye-catching patterns. This dazzle camouflage confused the enemy's rangefinders, so huge boats hide in plain sight, and bomber planes would just pass them by.
A goes off. If I could dazzle everyone around me, I could in plain sight. Then, maybe I would hear Shane Fessler say, "Dude, you're funny" instead of "Dude, a faggot"
So I tuck away me, sensitive me. And I become dazzle me! And I a million different cards in my razzle dazzle deck
Class Camouflage! Look at me, I drivers ed! Joe Camouflage! This field sucks! Camouflage!
Yup, I have girlfriends, from second all the way to my junior year of college. Hey, wanna come over after We can watch MTV The hours I spend holding hands with girls was equaled only by the I spend in my bedroom making my action figures go at it.
Batman, do you me? I do Lantern! Lantern, you said you loved me! Aquaman? I did not see you there! Have you been working out?
I am so good at camouflage, I'm like a one man Ed Sullivan show! Do the Frog! Hi Ho, it's the Muppet show, with our special guest, Ms. Joan Van Ark, yay! Do Simpson! Marge, I ate all Lisa's Pee Wee Herman! Sure he's not too good today! Kahn! Darling, I would not normally ask this, but while you're there, would you mind terribly tying my shoe? Whoa dude, are you being a What about Ed Grimely? Ed Grimely! I say I must say like today should be about Pat Sejak! (Dazzle camouflage in background) No way, but then again, it should, it's difficult to say. No, today is about the middle school annual PTA pancake supper.
After the pancake supper, I'm riding home in the car my parents. They're so proud, and happy. We get home, I peel off my sweaty makeshift costume, take a shower, and go my room and lock the door. I'm so tired. from constantly scanning to see if anyone will ever be able to put together the truth: that Shane Fessler is right. Keeping a secret is a time job and I am exhausted. I pull out my tattered catalogue from in between my mattress and box spring. One day, I be in the arms of a real speedo man. I my eyes. I am so tired.