Call a Marine

I was sittin' in a bar, boozin' and losin'
And some jackoff walks up cruisin' for a bruisin'
Poppin' off and makin' my whole redneck red
He asked my girl if she'd like to dance
He had three buddies so I had no chance
I looked around the room for a friend and I saw Fred
A quick evaluation of the situation
And we entered into a conversation
It seemed to last the better part of the next two songs
Now I didn't say and they didn't ask
But Fred did two tours over in Iraq
And, son, it was over before it was even on.

Call a Marine
Instead of 911
They're built to improvise, adapt and overcome
When you're in knee deep and you're up shit's creek
And you've tried everything
Tell you what you do
Call a Marine!

Now my sister's husband didn't love her no more
And he runned off with a skinny little whore
And left her sittin' around the house with a couple of kids
She just lays around in that muumuu gown
Old girl put on about 35 pounds
One day I went over to her house and I said, "Hey, sis"
If you wanna fix what troubles you
Just ease down to the VFW
And you'll walk through the door and turns those boys' heads
For most of those boys it's been awhile
Just show a little leg and that Marlboro smile
And if that don't work out for you, girl, ask for Fred.

Call a Marine
Instead of 911
They're built to improvise, adapt and overcome
If you're in knee deep and you're up shit's creek
You've tried everything
Tell you what you do
Call a Marine!

Some douche bag rises up and overthrows his government
Diplomacy ain't workin' and the ammos all been spent
The world is in a crisis and the media's a curse
I'll tell you what to do
When it goes from bad to worse

Call a Marine
Instead of 911
They're built to improvise, adapt and overcome
When you're in knee deep and you're up shit's creek
And you've tried everything
Tell you what you do
Call a Marine!

Tell you what to do, baby
You can call
Call a Marine!
Yeah! Yeah!