You poor ol' Ernie, how he met his waterloo, And how two-ton Ted from Teddington went off and married Well, unbeknown to all of us, a few years on, A little lass from Leckhampton gave to Ernie's son.
She'd heard about Ernie and the way in which he died; "I swear I'll get my vengeance on that man," she cried. For twenty years she held back and taught her son to be The refuse collector in the local UDC...
They him Bernie...(Bernie)... And he the biggest dust cart in the west.
Now and his mother thought the time had come at last To go and find that baker and confront him the past. They searched the village where he lived and knocked from to door, And found moved from twenty-two to number forty-four.
Then Bernie's mum said "Hold it son, we devise a plan. The first thing we must go and do is his baker's van." So towed it down the road and pushed it in the river, Then smiled and thought "That's one there that baker won't deliver!"
was Bernie...(Bernie)... And he drove the dustcart in the west.
Bern back to his mother who was standing by Ted's gate, started shouting foul abuse, and didn't have long to wait. The front slowly opened and old Ted came into view, He looked up and down and said "Now who the hell are you?"
"You may well ask," Bernie, "And now you're going to know I'm the son of Ernie!" Ted staggered back, "Oh no! I simply can't believe it's true. rubbish!" he then said. "No, is!" Bern cried, tipping his load on Ted's new flower bed.
called him Bernie...(Bernie)... And he drove the dust cart in the west.
Ted said "Well, I'm a widower now, nothing to my name, Except my daughter Lil," and from the house she came. Her hair was long, her eyes were blue, her smile was bright, And for Bern up on his dustcart he knew 'twas love on sight.
Their eyes were together as she cried, "Please have a heart." Then Bernie said, "Of course I will, just up on the cart." And as they off hand in hand, Bern's mum went up to Ted, "Forget the past, join them!" So the four of them were wed.
All to Bernie...(Bernie)... And he drove the dust cart in the west!