Babysitting Is a Bum Deal

Here is the tale of a babysitting job
The baby is something of a snob
(Oh, go screw yourselves)
So listen very closely, and you'll find
That what they say is not the same as what's on their minds

Aren't you a cute little boy?
(Look at that melon shaped head)
Having you here is a joy
(And in an hour you'll be dead)
Sit on my knee
(Please don't go Poo)
Nice place to be
(This one's for you)
Babysitting is a bum deal

Why don't we watch Will and Grace?
(Jesus, do I need a smoke?)
Jack puts a smile on my face
(Oh, what a surprise, a gay joke)
I like your house
(The ceiling has cracks)
I like your blouse
(Miss TJ Maxx)
Babysitting is a bum deal

So they sat as time went by
Slowly as time could go
The baby blurred, and softly cursed
'Cause her lips, and her skirt, and her shoes
And her hair made her look like a hoe

Time for your bottle my sweet
(This little brat smells like piss)
Always a succulent treat
(While I suck that, you suck this)
Aren't you a sight
(Look at him drool)
You're a delight
(Damn you, you fool)
Babysitting is a bum deal

The diaper change was quite a job
The grossest I've ever seen
The baby smiled and took a breath
And I grunted and pooped out a poop
That looked something like Matthew Modine

Someday you might meet a girl
(Yeah, she's gonna be your right hand)
Maybe it's you my sweet pearl
(Darling, I'd rather screw sand)
Have a good night
(You little creep)
Have a good night
(Die in your sleep)
Babysitting is a bum deal
Babysitting is a bum deal