An Englishman In New York

Demented New York athletes staggering round the block
Deformed Chicanos pour in Chicago's rolling stock
Digital bathrooms drilling for furs
Surgical stockings marked His and Hers
Guggenheim attitudes back to back with Jewish Baroque

No way street, no way street, no way street
Happy to see you, have a nice day

Defecting Russian dancers dance into Hockney prints
Exclusive to Bloomingdales, gift-wrapped in red
From the land of blue rinse

They boggle at menus in Olde English verse
'Ode to a burger' by Keats at his worst
The hissing of omelettes, the breaking of legs
Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eggs
The pink fillet mignon looks black on the negs

Strange apparatus you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Street alligators, big Anglophile
Will navigate us through a change of style

I came, I saw, what manner of beast is this
New York, you talk a little bit left of centre
A scream, a shout, New York is throwing its weight about

Walk tall, walk straight, spit the world right in the eye
The stranger the wood, the straighter the arrow
Dismembered hopeful My-Lai veterans queuing for sleaze
'Sorry no dogs, no fags, no shriners and no amputees'

Sexual athlete applies for audition
Willing to make it in any position
Just one of the extras with blood on their faces
In Snow White and The Seven Basket Cases
I'm happy and dopey and dirty in places

No way street, no way street, no way street
Lock up your daughters, Avon crawling

Devoted collectors of paraphernalia out walking the rock
Battle and bitch for the ultimate kitch of a crucifix clock
Two miniature Romans, running on rails
Appear every hour and bang in the nails
Oh, I've got to have it, Christ, I gotta be the first on our block

Disturbing facts about Nazi splinter groups seen on the news
They're picketing synagogues and claiming that
Hitler was King of the Jews
Caught in the tunnel an ambulance howls
A men's room attendant is flapping his jowls
Shh, Howard Johnson is moving his bowels

Strange apparatus, you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Street alligators, big Anglophile
Will navigate us through a change of style

Strange apparatus, you've never seen
Strange apparatus, even stranger theme
Walk tall, walk straight, spit the world right in the eye
The stranger the wood, the straighter the arrow

No way street, no way street, no way street, no way street
No way street, no way street, no way street, no way street