You can get anything you at Alice's Restaurant You can get anything you at Alice's Restaurant Walk in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad You can get anything you want at Restaurant
Now it all two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she in the church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her Ray and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in. all that room, seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they to take out their garbage for a long time.
We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the dump. So we the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW microbus, took and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on the city dump.
Well we got there and was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we off into the sunset for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the of the side road there was another fifteen foot and at the bottom of the cliff there was pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile is better than two piles, and rather than bring that one up we decided to our's down.
what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and get up until the morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, "Kid, we found your name on an at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage, and just to know if you had any information about it." And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put envelope under garbage."
After speaking to Obie for about minutes on the telephone we finally arrived at the of the matter and said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and had to go down and speak to him at the police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus the shovels and rakes and of destruction and headed on toward the police station.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that coulda done at the police station, and the was he could have given us a medal for being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could bawled us out and told us never to be see driving garbage the vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't counted upon, and we was immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these on." He said, "Shut up, kid. Get in the back of the car."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want you about the town of Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this here, they got three stop signs, two officers, and one police car, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime was five police officers and three police cars, being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody to get in the newspaper story about it. And they was up all kinds of cop equipment that had hanging around the police officer's station. They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog prints, and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour photographs with circles and arrows and a on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the corner the southwest corner and that's not to the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went to the jail. Obie said he was going to put us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want wallet and belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you want my for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I said, "Obie, did you think I was going to myself for littering?" Obie said he was making sure, and friends was, cause he took out the toilet seat so I hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I bend the bars roll out the - roll the toilet paper out the window, slide the roll and have an escape. Obie was making sure, and it was about four or five hours that Alice (remember Alice? It's a song Alice), Alice came by and with a few nasty words to on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church, had a another thanksgiving that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all up, and Obie stood up the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures, and the judge walked in sat down a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of one, and looked at the seeing eye dog. And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with and arrows and a paragraph on the back of one and began to cry, 'cause Obie came to the realization it was a typical case of American blind justice, and there nothing he could do about it, and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the of each one explaining each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was fined $50 and had to up the garbage in the snow, but thats not I came to tell you about.
Came to talk the draft.
They got a building down New York City, it's Whitehall Street, where you in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the before, so I looked and felt my best I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid New York City, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all-, I to be the all American kid from New York, and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, up, and all kinds o' nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a on me, sent me the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good it.
Proceeded on the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and was inspecting, every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally to the see the last man, I walked in, in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we got one question. you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre, with orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome... - and he stopped me there and said, "Kid, did you ever go to court?"
And I to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I you to go and sit down on that bench that Group W .... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, W's where they put you if you may not be moral to join the army after your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "Littering." And all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of nasty things, till I said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, stabbing, father raping, all of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking and all kinds of things, the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said.
"Kids, officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put the pencil, and I over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, the words:
("KID, YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")
I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I that just, I'm sittin' on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, women, kids, and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington."
And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in little folder, is a study in black and of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is you may know somebody in a similar situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if in a like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think really sick and they won't him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and won't take either of them. And people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singin a bar of Alice's and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine people a day,I said people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may thinks a movement.
And that's what it is , the Alice's Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next it come's around on the guitar.
feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and sing it when it does. it comes.
You can get anything you want, at Alice's You can get anything you want, at Restaurant Walk right in around the back Just a half a mile from the track You can get you want, at Alice's Restaurant
was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud. I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could it for another twenty minutes. I'm not proud... or tired.
So we'll wait till it comes again, and this time with four part and feeling.
We're waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.
All now.
You can get anything you want, at Restaurant Alice You can get anything you want, at Alice's Walk right in around the back Just a a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want, at Restaurant
Da da da da da da da dum At Alice's