Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was just a little boy
in a box
Under the
In the corner of the
In the house half a block down the street from Bait Shop
You the place

anyway,
Back then was going swell
And everything was peachy!

Except of course for the undeniable
That single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' of
Sauer for breakfast

Big bowl of kraut!
single mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She looked at me like a cow looks
At an train
And she leaned right down to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And then she me to the wall
And stuck a in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but kraut
I was twenty-six and a half years old

That's when I that someday,
Someday I would get outta that
And travel to a magical, far place,
Where the sun is always
And the air smells like warm beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

Where the shriners and the
their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the
Will shave your back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It wasn't long at all before my dream came
Because the next day,
A local radio station had this
To see who correctly guess the number
Of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's

I was off by three, but I won the grand prize
That's right, a first class, one-way
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd never
On a airplane before
And I gotta ya
It was great

Except I had to sit
Between two large Albanian
With excruciatingly severe body
And the little kid in of me
Kept up the whole time
The attendants ran out of
Dr. Pepper and peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Shore
And, oh yeah, of the airplane engines burned out
And we into a tailspin
And into a hillside
And the exploded in a giant fireball
And died!
for me. You know why?

'Cause I had my tray up
And my back in the full upright position
Had my table up
And my seat back in the full upright
Had my table up
And my seat in the full upright position

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I from the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my and knees
For full days
Draggin' along my big leather
And my bag
And my tenor
And my 12-pound bowlin'
And my lucky, lucky glow-in-the-dark snorkel!

But finally I at the world famous
Holiday Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your
Right out of the if you wanna
okay, they're clean!

Well, I into my room,
And I down the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm about to eat
little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, much,
When there's a knock on the door

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" There's no
"WHO IS IT!?" They're not anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
some big, fat hermaphrodite
With a of seagulls, haircut,
And only one
Oh, man, I it when I'm right!

So, anyway,
He bursts my room,
And he my lucky snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you can't that!
That snorkel's been like a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he grabbed my
And I bit off his ear
And he off my eyebrows
And I took out his
And he me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed-y, you better it!

And in the middle of it all
The phone got off the hook
And seconds later,
I heard a familiar
And you what it said?
I'll tell ya it said!

It said, "If you'd like to a call,
hang up and try again
If you help,
Hang up and then your operator
If you'd like to make a
Please up and try again.
If you need
Hang up and then dial operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a long short,
He got with my snorkel
But I a solemn vow
then and there
That I not rest,
I would not for an instant,
the one-nostrilled man
Was brought to
But first, I decided to buy some

So I got in my car
And I drove over to the shop
And I on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're outta donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, we're jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, we're outta rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, outta apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, outta bear claws!"

I said, "Well, in case
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is this box of one
Starving weasels."
I said, "Okay, I'll that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the jump out
And they immediately onto my face
And bitin' me all over

Oh, man, they just goin' nuts!
were tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was about that time
that a little ditty started goin' through my
I believe it went a little somethin' like

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out into the
With these flesh-eating
All my face,
Wavin' my all around
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a constipated dog

And as would have it,
exactly when I ran into
The of my dreams
Her name was

She was a enthusiast,
a slight overbite,
And hair the color of strained

never forget
The very thing
She to me
She said, "Hey,
got weasels on your face."

That's when I knew it was true

We were inseparable that
Aw, we ate
We bathed
We even shared the piece
Of dental floss
The was our burrito

So we got married,
And we bought us a
And had two children,
and Superfly
Oh we were so very, very, very happy, oh

But then, one night,
said to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not ready for that of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I saw her again
But that's the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things really
up for me,
Because about a later
I finally achieved my lifelong
That's right, I got me a job
At the Sizzler!

I made employee of the month
After I put out grease fire
my face!

Aw yeah, everybody was pretty
Of me that
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to my excess earwax
a golf pencil,
When I see this guy
to carry a big ol' sofa
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you want me to help you that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my and legs with a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And then he all indignant on me
He's like, "Hey, man, I was just sarcastic!"
Well, just great.
How was I supposed to know
I'm not a reader,
For out loud

Besides, now got
A really cute - Torso-Boy!
So what's he about?

Say, reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the
And he me he hasn't had a bite
In days

Well, I what he meant,
But to be funny,
I a big bite
Out of his jugular
And yelling and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, come on, get it?"
But he keeps rolling around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, completely
The of the whole situation
Man, some people just take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I it's kind of a roundabout way
Of it, but,
I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make is

I SAUERKRAUT!

all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way,
if one day you to wake up
And yourself in an existential quandry,
of loathing and self-doubt
And with the pain and isolation
Of your meaningless existence,
At least you can a small bit of comfort
In knowing somewhere out there in this
Crazy ol' mixed-up of ours,
There's still a little
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!