Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was just a bitty boy
in a box
Under the
In the corner of the
In the house half a block down the street Jerry's Bait Shop
You the place

anyway,
Back then was going swell
And was just peachy!

Except of course for the undeniable
That every morning
My mother would me a big ol' bowl of
Sauer kraut for

Big of sauer kraut!
single mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, what's up all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She looked at me like a cow looks
At an oncoming
And she leaned down next to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And she tied me to the wall
And a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but kraut
Until I was twenty-six and a half old

That's I swore that someday,
Someday I would get outta basement
And to a magical, far away place,
Where the sun is shining
And the air smells like warm beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

Where the shriners and the
their ukuleles all day long
And on the street
Will gladly your back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It long at all before my dream came true
the very next day,
A local station had this contest
To see who could correctly the number
Of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's

I was off by three, but I still won the prize
That's right, a first class, one-way
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd never
On a airplane before
And I tell ya
It was really

that I had to sit
Between two large women
With severe body odor
And the kid in back of me
Kept throwin' up the whole
The flight ran out of
Dr. and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane burned out
And we went a tailspin
And into a hillside
And the plane in a giant fireball
And died!
Except for me. You why?

I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full position
Had my table up
And my back in the full upright position
Had my table up
And my seat in the full upright position

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I crawled the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my hands and
For full days
Draggin' my big leather suitcase
And my bag
And my saxophone
And my 12-pound bowlin'
And my lucky, lucky autographed snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the famous
Holiday Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat soup
out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's okay, clean!

Well, I checked my room,
And I turned the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm just to eat
That little mint on my pillow
I love so very, very much,
When suddenly there's a on the door

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" no answer
"WHO IS IT!?" not sayin' anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
It's big, fat hermaphrodite
With a of seagulls, haircut,
And only one
Oh, man, I it when I'm right!

So, anyway,
He into my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you can't that!
That snorkel's been just like a to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he my esophagus
And I bit off his ear
And he chewed off my
And I out his appendix
And he me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed-y, you believe it!

And somehow in the of it all
The got knocked off the hook
And seconds later,
I heard a familiar
And you what it said?
tell ya what it said!

It said, "If like to make a call,
Please hang up and try
If you help,
Hang up and then dial operator
If you'd to make a call
hang up and try again.
If you help
up and then dial your operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a story short,
He got away my snorkel
But I made a vow
Right then and
I would not rest,
I would not for an instant,
the one-nostrilled man
Was brought to
But first, I decided to buy donuts

So I got in my car
And I over to the donut shop
And I on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, outta glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta donuts."
I said, "You got any cream-filled donuts?"
He said, "No, outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, we're cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, outta apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, we're outta claws!"

I said, "Well, in case
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is this box of one
crazed weasels."
I said, "Okay, take that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the jump out
And immediately latch onto my face
And start bitin' me all

Oh, man, they were goin' nuts!
were tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was just about that
that a ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little like this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out the street
these flesh-eating weasels
All my face,
Wavin' my arms all
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a wiener dog

And as luck have it,
That's exactly when I ran
The of my dreams
Her name was

She was a enthusiast,
With a overbite,
And hair the color of strained

I'll never
The very first
She to me
She said, "Hey,
got weasels on your face."

That's I knew it was true love

We were inseparable that
Aw, we ate
We bathed
We even the same piece
Of dental floss
The was our burrito

So we got married,
And we bought us a
And had two children,
Nathaniel and
Oh we so very, very, very happy, oh yeah

But then, one night,
Zelda to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna join the Columbia Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not ready for that of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I saw her again
But just the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things really
up for me,
Because about a week
I achieved my lifelong dream
right, I got me a part-time job
At the Sizzler!

I even made of the month
After I put out that fire
my face!

Aw yeah, was pretty jealous
Of me after
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to remove my earwax
a golf pencil,
When I see guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol'
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my and legs with a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And then he gets all on me
He's like, "Hey, man, I was being sarcastic!"
Well, that's great.
How was I to know that?
I'm not a reader,
For out loud

Besides, now got
A really nickname - Torso-Boy!
So what's he about?

Say, that reminds me of another anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the
And he tells me he had a bite
In three

Well, I what he meant,
But to be funny,
I took a big
Out of his jugular
And yelling and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, come on, get it?"
But he just rolling around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, completely
The of the whole situation
Man, people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know kind of a roundabout way
Of it, but,
I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to here is

I SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm really to say
And, by the way,
if one day you to wake up
And yourself in an existential quandry,
Full of loathing and
And wracked with the and isolation
Of your pitiful existence,
At you can take a small bit of comfort
In knowing somewhere out there in this
ol' mixed-up universe of ours,
There's still a little
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!