Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was just a bitty boy
in a box
Under the
In the corner of the
In the house half a block down the street from Bait Shop
You the place

anyway,
Back then life was going
And everything was peachy!

of course for the undeniable fact
That single morning
My would make me a big ol' bowl of
Sauer for breakfast

Big bowl of kraut!
single mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, what's up all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She looked at me like a cow looks
At an oncoming
And she leaned down next to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And then she tied me to the
And a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauer
Until I was twenty-six and a half old

That's I swore that someday,
Someday I get outta that basement
And to a magical, far away place,
Where the sun is shining
And the air smells like root beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

Where the shriners and the
their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the
Will shave your back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It wasn't long at all before my dream came
Because the very day,
A local station had this contest
To see who correctly guess the number
Of molecules in Nimoy's butt

I was off by three, but I still won the grand
right, a first class, one-way ticket
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd been
On a real airplane
And I gotta ya
It was really

that I had to sit
Between two large Albanian
With excruciatingly body odor
And the kid in back of me
Kept throwin' up the whole
The flight ran out of
Dr. and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the engines burned out
And we went a tailspin
And crashed into a
And the plane in a giant fireball
And died!
for me. You know why?

'Cause I had my table up
And my seat back in the full upright
Had my table up
And my seat back in the full position
Had my table up
And my seat back in the upright position

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I crawled the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my hands and
For three days
Draggin' my big leather suitcase
And my bag
And my tenor
And my 12-pound bowlin'
And my lucky, lucky glow-in-the-dark snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the world
Holiday Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your
Right out of the ashtrays if you
okay, they're clean!

Well, I checked my room,
And I turned the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm just to eat
That chocolate mint on my pillow
I love so very, very much,
When suddenly a knock on the door

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" There's no
"WHO IS IT!?" They're not anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
It's some big, fat
a flock of seagulls, haircut,
And one nostril
Oh, man, I hate it I'm right!

So, anyway,
He bursts my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you have that!
That snorkel's just like a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he grabbed my
And I bit off his ear
And he off my eyebrows
And I out his appendix
And he me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed-y, you believe it!

And somehow in the of it all
The phone got off the hook
And twenty later,
I a familiar voice
And you know what it
I'll tell ya it said!

It said, "If you'd to make a call,
Please hang up and try
If you help,
up and then dial your operator
If you'd to make a call
Please up and try again.
If you help
Hang up and then your operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a story short,
He got away my snorkel
But I made a vow
Right and there
I would not rest,
I would not for an instant,
Until the man
Was to justice
But first, I decided to buy donuts

So I got in my car
And I drove over to the donut
And I walked on up to the guy behind the
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, outta jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any cream-filled donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta Bavarian donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, we're outta rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, we're apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, we're bear claws!"

I said, "Well, in case
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is this box of one
Starving weasels."
I said, "Okay, take that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the jump out
And they immediately onto my face
And start bitin' me all

Oh, man, they were goin' nuts!
They were me apart!
You know,
I think it was about that time
that a little ditty started through my head
I believe it went a little somethin' this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out into the
With these weasels
All my face,
Wavin' my arms all
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a constipated dog

And as would have it,
That's when I ran into
The of my dreams
Her was Zelda

She was a enthusiast,
a slight overbite,
And hair the color of peaches

never forget
The very first
She to me
She said, "Hey,
You've got weasels on face."

That's when I knew it was true

We were after that
Aw, we ate
We together
We shared the same piece
Of dental floss
The world was our

So we got married,
And we us a house
And had two children,
and Superfly
Oh we were so very, very, very happy, oh

But then, one night,
Zelda to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna join the Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not for that kind of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I never saw her
But that's just the way go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things started
up for me,
Because about a later
I finally achieved my lifelong
That's right, I got me a job
At the Sizzler!

I even employee of the month
After I put out grease fire
my face!

Aw yeah, everybody was pretty
Of me after
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to remove my excess
a golf pencil,
When I see guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol'
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you want me to help you that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and with a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And he gets all indignant on me
like, "Hey, man, I was just being sarcastic!"
Well, just great.
How was I supposed to know
I'm not a reader,
For cryin' out

Besides, now got
A cute nickname - Torso-Boy!
So what's he complaining

Say, that me of another amusing anecdote
guy comes up to me on the street
And he me he hasn't had a bite
In days

Well, I what he meant,
But to be funny,
I took a big
Out of his vein
And yelling and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just keeps rolling on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, completely
The irony of the situation
Man, some people just take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know it's kind of a way
Of it, but,
I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to here is

I SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm tryin' to say
And, by the way,
if one day you happen to up
And yourself in an existential quandry,
Full of loathing and
And wracked with the pain and
Of your pitiful existence,
At least you can take a small bit of
In that somewhere out there in this
ol' mixed-up universe of ours,
There's still a little
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!