Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was just a little boy
in a box
Under the
In the corner of the
In the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Shop
You know the

anyway,
Back then life was swell
And everything was peachy!

Except of for the undeniable fact
every single morning
My mother make me a big ol' bowl of
Sauer kraut for

Big of sauer kraut!
single mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She just looked at me like a cow
At an train
And she leaned down next to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And then she me to the wall
And a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me but sauer kraut
Until I was and a half years old

That's when I swore someday,
Someday I would get outta basement
And to a magical, far away place,
Where the sun is shining
And the air like warm root beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

the shriners and the lepers
Play their ukuleles all day
And anyone on the
Will gladly shave back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It wasn't long at all my dream came true
Because the next day,
A local radio had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the
Of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's

I was off by three, but I won the grand prize
right, a first class, one-way ticket
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd been
On a airplane before
And I gotta ya
It was really

that I had to sit
Between two large Albanian
With excruciatingly severe odor
And the kid in back of me
Kept up the whole time
The attendants ran out of
Dr. Pepper and peanuts
And the movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the engines burned out
And we into a tailspin
And into a hillside
And the exploded in a giant fireball
And died!
Except for me. You know

I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full position
Had my tray up
And my seat back in the full position
Had my table up
And my seat back in the full upright

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I from the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my and knees
For three full
Draggin' along my big leather
And my bag
And my saxophone
And my 12-pound ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the world
Holiday Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your
Right out of the ashtrays if you
It's okay, clean!

Well, I into my room,
And I down the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm just to eat
little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I so very, very much,
When suddenly a knock on the door

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" There's no
"WHO IS IT!?" not sayin' anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
some big, fat hermaphrodite
With a of seagulls, haircut,
And only one
Oh, man, I it when I'm right!

So, anyway,
He into my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you have that!
That been just like a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he grabbed my
And I bit off his ear
And he chewed off my
And I took out his
And he me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed-y, you better it!

And somehow in the of it all
The got knocked off the hook
And twenty later,
I heard a voice
And you know it said?
tell ya what it said!

It said, "If like to make a call,
hang up and try again
If you help,
Hang up and then dial operator
If you'd like to make a
hang up and try again.
If you need
Hang up and dial your operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a long short,
He got away my snorkel
But I made a vow
Right and there
That I not rest,
I not sleep for an instant,
Until the man
Was to justice
But first, I to buy some donuts

So I got in my car
And I drove to the donut shop
And I on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, outta jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta Bavarian donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, outta cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, we're apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, we're bear claws!"

I said, "Well, in case
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is this box of one
crazed weasels."
I said, "Okay, I'll that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the jump out
And immediately latch onto my face
And start me all over

Oh, man, they were just nuts!
They tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was just about time
a little ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little like this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out the street
With these weasels
All my face,
my arms all around
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a constipated dog

And as luck would it,
That's exactly I ran into
The of my dreams
Her was Zelda

She was a enthusiast,
With a overbite,
And the color of strained peaches

I'll forget
The very thing
She to me
She said, "Hey,
You've got weasels on face."

That's when I it was true love

We were inseparable that
Aw, we ate
We bathed
We even shared the same
Of dental floss
The was our burrito

So we got married,
And we bought us a
And had two children,
and Superfly
Oh we were so very, very, happy, oh yeah

But then, one night,
Zelda to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna the Columbia Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not ready for that of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I saw her again
But just the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, really started
up for me,
Because about a later
I finally achieved my dream
That's right, I got me a job
At the Sizzler!

I even employee of the month
After I put out that fire
my face!

Aw yeah, everybody was jealous
Of me that
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to remove my earwax
a golf pencil,
When I see this guy
Tryin' to a big ol' sofa
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you want me to help you that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and with a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And then he gets all on me
He's like, "Hey, man, I was just sarcastic!"
Well, just great.
How was I supposed to that?
I'm not a reader,
For cryin' out

Besides, now got
A really nickname - Torso-Boy!
So what's he about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing
guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells me he had a bite
In three

Well, I knew he meant,
But to be funny,
I took a big
Out of his vein
And yelling and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, come on, get it?"
But he keeps rolling around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, missing
The irony of the situation
Man, people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know it's kind of a way
Of it, but,
I guess the whole I'm tryin' to make here is

I SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm tryin' to say
And, by the way,
if one day you to wake up
And find in an existential quandry,
of loathing and self-doubt
And with the pain and isolation
Of pitiful meaningless existence,
At least you can a small bit of comfort
In knowing that out there in this
Crazy ol' universe of ours,
still a little place
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!