Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was just a bitty boy
in a box
Under the
In the of the basement
In the half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop
You know the

anyway,
Back then life was going
And was just peachy!

of course for the undeniable fact
That single morning
My mother would me a big ol' bowl of
kraut for breakfast

Big of sauer kraut!
Every mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She just looked at me like a cow
At an oncoming
And she leaned right next to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And then she me to the wall
And stuck a in my mouth
And fed me nothing but sauer kraut
Until I was and a half years old

That's when I that someday,
Someday I would get outta that
And to a magical, far away place,
Where the sun is shining
And the air smells like warm beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

the shriners and the lepers
Play their ukuleles all day
And anyone on the
Will gladly shave back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It wasn't long at all before my dream came
the very next day,
A local station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the
Of molecules in Leonard butt

I was off by three, but I still won the grand
right, a first class, one-way ticket
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd never
On a real airplane
And I tell ya
It was really

Except I had to sit
two large Albanian women
With severe body odor
And the little kid in of me
throwin' up the whole time
The flight ran out of
Dr. Pepper and salted
And the movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines out
And we went a tailspin
And crashed a hillside
And the plane exploded in a fireball
And died!
Except for me. You know

'Cause I had my tray up
And my seat back in the upright position
Had my tray up
And my seat back in the upright position
Had my tray up
And my back in the full upright position

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I crawled the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my and knees
For full days
Draggin' along my big suitcase
And my bag
And my saxophone
And my 12-pound bowlin'
And my lucky, autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the famous
Holiday Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your
Right out of the if you wanna
It's okay, clean!

Well, I into my room,
And I down the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm just to eat
That chocolate mint on my pillow
I love so very, very much,
When suddenly a knock on the door

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" no answer
"WHO IS IT!?" not sayin' anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
It's big, fat hermaphrodite
a flock of seagulls, haircut,
And one nostril
Oh, man, I it when I'm right!

So, anyway,
He bursts my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you can't that!
That snorkel's been just a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he my esophagus
And I bit off his ear
And he chewed off my
And I took out his
And he gave me a irrigation
Yes indeed-y, you believe it!

And somehow in the of it all
The got knocked off the hook
And twenty later,
I heard a voice
And you know what it
I'll tell ya it said!

It said, "If like to make a call,
Please hang up and try
If you help,
Hang up and dial your operator
If you'd like to make a
Please up and try again.
If you need
Hang up and then your operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a story short,
He got with my snorkel
But I a solemn vow
Right then and
I would not rest,
I not sleep for an instant,
Until the man
Was to justice
But first, I decided to buy donuts

So I got in my car
And I drove over to the shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, we're outta rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, we're outta fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, we're outta claws!"

I said, "Well, in that
In case, what do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is box of one dozen
Starving weasels."
I said, "Okay, take that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the jump out
And they immediately onto my face
And start me all over

Oh, man, were just goin' nuts!
were tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was about that time
that a little ditty started through my head
I believe it went a little like this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out into the
these flesh-eating weasels
All my face,
Wavin' my arms all
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a constipated dog

And as luck would it,
That's exactly when I ran
The girl of my
Her name was

She was a enthusiast,
With a overbite,
And hair the color of strained

I'll forget
The very first
She to me
She said, "Hey,
You've got on your face."

when I knew it was true love

We were inseparable that
Aw, we ate
We bathed
We even shared the same
Of mint-flavored dental
The world was our

So we got married,
And we us a house
And had two children,
Nathaniel and
Oh we were so very, very, happy, oh yeah

But then, one night,
Zelda to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna join the Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm not ready for that kind of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I never saw her
But that's just the way go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things really
up for me,
Because about a week
I achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a job
At the Sizzler!

I even employee of the month
After I put out that fire
my face!

Aw yeah, everybody was jealous
Of me after
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to remove my earwax
a golf pencil,
When I see guy Marty
to carry a big ol' sofa
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just his eyes
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And then he gets all on me
like, "Hey, man, I was just being sarcastic!"
Well, just great.
How was I supposed to know
I'm not a reader,
For out loud

Besides, now got
A really cute - Torso-Boy!
So what's he about?

Say, that reminds me of amusing anecdote
This guy up to me on the street
And he me he hasn't had a bite
In three

Well, I knew he meant,
But to be funny,
I a big bite
Out of his vein
And he's yelling and
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, on, don'tcha get it?"
But he keeps rolling around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, missing
The irony of the whole
Man, some people can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know it's kind of a way
Of it, but,
I the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm tryin' to say
And, by the way,
if one day you to wake up
And yourself in an existential quandry,
of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the and isolation
Of your pitiful existence,
At least you can a small bit of comfort
In knowing somewhere out there in this
Crazy ol' mixed-up of ours,
There's still a little
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!