Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was just a little boy
in a box
Under the
In the corner of the
In the house half a block the street from Jerry's Bait Shop
You the place

anyway,
Back then life was going
And was just peachy!

Except of course for the undeniable
That single morning
My mother make me a big ol' bowl of
Sauer kraut for

Big of sauer kraut!
Every mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She just looked at me a cow looks
At an train
And she right down next to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And she tied me to the wall
And stuck a in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauer
Until I was twenty-six and a half old

That's I swore that someday,
Someday I get outta that basement
And travel to a magical, far place,
Where the sun is always
And the air smells warm root beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

Where the and the lepers
Play their all day long
And anyone on the
gladly shave your back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It wasn't long at all before my came true
Because the next day,
A local station had this contest
To see who could correctly the number
Of in Leonard Nimoy's butt

I was off by three, but I won the grand prize
That's right, a first class, ticket
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd been
On a airplane before
And I tell ya
It was really

that I had to sit
Between two large women
With severe body odor
And the little kid in of me
Kept throwin' up the time
The flight ran out of
Dr. and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines out
And we went into a
And crashed into a
And the plane exploded in a giant
And died!
Except for me. You know

'Cause I had my table up
And my seat in the full upright position
Had my table up
And my back in the full upright position
Had my tray up
And my seat back in the full upright

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin',
I crawled on my and knees
For full days
Draggin' along my big leather
And my bag
And my saxophone
And my 12-pound bowlin'
And my lucky, lucky autographed snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the world
Holiday Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat soup
out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's okay, clean!

Well, I into my room,
And I turned the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm about to eat
That chocolate mint on my pillow
I love so very, very much,
When suddenly there's a knock on the

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" There's no
"WHO IS IT!?" not sayin' anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
some big, fat hermaphrodite
With a of seagulls, haircut,
And one nostril
Oh, man, I hate it I'm right!

So, anyway,
He into my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you have that!
snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he my esophagus
And I bit off his ear
And he chewed off my
And I took out his
And he me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed-y, you better it!

And somehow in the of it all
The phone got off the hook
And twenty later,
I heard a familiar
And you know what it
I'll ya what it said!

It said, "If like to make a call,
Please hang up and try
If you help,
up and then dial your operator
If you'd to make a call
hang up and try again.
If you need
Hang up and then dial your
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a story short,
He got with my snorkel
But I made a vow
Right then and
That I not rest,
I not sleep for an instant,
the one-nostrilled man
Was to justice
But first, I decided to buy some

So I got in my car
And I drove over to the donut
And I walked on up to the guy the counter
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're outta donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, we're jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any cream-filled donuts?"
He said, "No, outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, outta cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, we're apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, we're bear claws!"

I said, "Well, in case
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is this box of one
crazed weasels."
I said, "Okay, I'll that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the jump out
And they immediately latch my face
And start bitin' me all

Oh, man, they were just nuts!
They were me apart!
You know,
I think it was about that time
that a little ditty goin' through my head
I believe it went a somethin' like this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out the street
these flesh-eating weasels
All my face,
Wavin' my arms all
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
a constipated wiener dog

And as luck would it,
exactly when I ran into
The girl of my
Her name was

She was a enthusiast,
With a overbite,
And the color of strained peaches

never forget
The first thing
She to me
She said, "Hey,
You've got weasels on face."

That's I knew it was true love

We inseparable after that
Aw, we ate
We together
We shared the same piece
Of dental floss
The was our burrito

So we got married,
And we us a house
And had two children,
and Superfly
Oh we were so very, very, very happy, oh

But then, one night,
said to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna the Columbia Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not ready for that of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I saw her again
But just the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things really
up for me,
Because about a later
I finally achieved my lifelong
right, I got me a part-time job
At the Sizzler!

I even employee of the month
After I put out grease fire
my face!

Aw yeah, was pretty jealous
Of me that
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to remove my earwax
With a pencil,
When I see guy Marty
Tryin' to a big ol' sofa
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you want me to you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and with a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And he gets all indignant on me
He's like, "Hey, man, I was being sarcastic!"
Well, that's great.
How was I supposed to that?
I'm not a reader,
For cryin' out

Besides, now got
A cute nickname - Torso-Boy!
So he complaining about?

Say, that me of another amusing anecdote
guy comes up to me on the street
And he me he hasn't had a bite
In days

Well, I knew he meant,
But to be funny,
I a big bite
Out of his vein
And he's and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just keeps around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, completely
The irony of the situation
Man, people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda my train of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know it's of a roundabout way
Of it, but,
I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make is

I SAUERKRAUT!

all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way,
if one day you to wake up
And yourself in an existential quandry,
of loathing and self-doubt
And with the pain and isolation
Of your pitiful existence,
At least you can take a bit of comfort
In knowing that somewhere out in this
Crazy ol' universe of ours,
There's a little place
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!