Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back I was just a little bitty boy
in a box
Under the
In the corner of the
In the house a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop
You know the

anyway,
Back then life was going
And was just peachy!

Except of course for the undeniable
That every single
My would make me a big ol' bowl of
Sauer for breakfast

Big bowl of kraut!
Every mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, what's up all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She just at me like a cow looks
At an oncoming
And she leaned right down to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And she tied me to the wall
And stuck a funnel in my
And fed me nothing but sauer kraut
I was twenty-six and a half years old

That's when I that someday,
Someday I would get outta that
And to a magical, far away place,
Where the sun is shining
And the air like warm root beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

Where the and the lepers
Play their all day long
And anyone on the
Will gladly shave back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It long at all before my dream came true
Because the very day,
A local radio station had contest
To see who could correctly the number
Of in Leonard Nimoy's butt

I was off by three, but I still won the grand
That's right, a first class, ticket
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd been
On a airplane before
And I tell ya
It was really

that I had to sit
Between two large women
With excruciatingly severe body
And the kid in back of me
Kept up the whole time
The attendants ran out of
Dr. Pepper and salted
And the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines out
And we into a tailspin
And crashed into a
And the plane exploded in a fireball
And died!
for me. You know why?

'Cause I had my table up
And my seat back in the full position
Had my table up
And my seat back in the full position
Had my tray up
And my seat back in the full upright

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I crawled the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my and knees
For three days
Draggin' my big leather suitcase
And my bag
And my saxophone
And my 12-pound bowlin'
And my lucky, autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel!

But I arrived at the world famous
Albuquerque Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your
Right out of the ashtrays if you
It's okay, clean!

Well, I into my room,
And I turned the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm about to eat
That little chocolate on my pillow
I love so very, very much,
When there's a knock on the door

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" There's no
"WHO IS IT!?" They're not anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
some big, fat hermaphrodite
With a of seagulls, haircut,
And only one
Oh, man, I it when I'm right!

So, anyway,
He into my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you can't that!
That snorkel's been just like a to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he grabbed my
And I bit off his ear
And he chewed off my
And I out his appendix
And he gave me a colonic
Yes indeed-y, you better it!

And somehow in the of it all
The phone got knocked off the
And twenty later,
I heard a familiar
And you know what it
I'll tell ya it said!

It said, "If you'd to make a call,
Please hang up and try
If you help,
Hang up and then your operator
If you'd like to a call
Please up and try again.
If you help
Hang up and then dial operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a long short,
He got with my snorkel
But I made a vow
then and there
That I not rest,
I not sleep for an instant,
the one-nostrilled man
Was to justice
But first, I decided to buy donuts

So I got in my car
And I drove over to the shop
And I on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, outta glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, we're outta rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, we're apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, outta bear claws!"

I said, "Well, in that
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is box of one dozen
Starving weasels."
I said, "Okay, I'll that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the weasels out
And they immediately latch onto my
And start bitin' me all

Oh, man, they just goin' nuts!
They tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was about that time
that a little ditty goin' through my head
I it went a little somethin' like this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out into the
these flesh-eating weasels
All my face,
my arms all around
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a constipated dog

And as would have it,
That's exactly I ran into
The of my dreams
Her was Zelda

She was a enthusiast,
With a overbite,
And hair the color of peaches

never forget
The very first
She to me
She said, "Hey,
You've got on your face."

That's when I knew it was love

We were after that
Aw, we ate
We together
We shared the same piece
Of dental floss
The world was our

So we got married,
And we bought us a
And had two children,
Nathaniel and
Oh we were so very, very, happy, oh yeah

But then, one night,
Zelda to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna join the Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not ready for kind of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I saw her again
But just the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things really
up for me,
Because about a later
I achieved my lifelong dream
right, I got me a part-time job
At the Sizzler!

I even employee of the month
I put out that grease fire
my face!

Aw yeah, everybody was jealous
Of me that
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to my excess earwax
With a pencil,
I see this guy Marty
Tryin' to a big ol' sofa
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just his eyes
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And then he all indignant on me
He's like, "Hey, man, I was just sarcastic!"
Well, that's great.
How was I supposed to that?
I'm not a reader,
For out loud

Besides, now got
A cute nickname - Torso-Boy!
So he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the
And he tells me he had a bite
In three

Well, I knew he meant,
But to be funny,
I a big bite
Out of his vein
And he's and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, come on, get it?"
But he just rolling around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, completely
The irony of the whole
Man, some people just can't a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know it's kind of a way
Of it, but,
I the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I SAUERKRAUT!

all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way,
if one day you to wake up
And find in an existential quandry,
of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked the pain and isolation
Of your meaningless existence,
At least you can take a bit of comfort
In knowing that somewhere out in this
Crazy ol' universe of ours,
There's still a place
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!