Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was just a little boy
in a box
Under the
In the of the basement
In the house half a down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop
You know the

anyway,
Back then life was going
And everything was peachy!

Except of for the undeniable fact
That single morning
My mother would me a big ol' bowl of
kraut for breakfast

Big of sauer kraut!
Every mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, what's up all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She looked at me like a cow looks
At an oncoming
And she right down next to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And she tied me to the wall
And stuck a funnel in my
And force fed me but sauer kraut
I was twenty-six and a half years old

That's when I swore someday,
Someday I would get that basement
And travel to a magical, far place,
Where the sun is shining
And the air smells like warm beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

Where the shriners and the
their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the
Will shave your back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It wasn't long at all before my came true
the very next day,
A local radio station had this
To see who correctly guess the number
Of molecules in Nimoy's butt

I was off by three, but I still won the prize
right, a first class, one-way ticket
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd never
On a real airplane
And I tell ya
It was really

Except I had to sit
Between two large Albanian
excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in of me
throwin' up the whole time
The attendants ran out of
Dr. and salted peanuts
And the movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the engines burned out
And we into a tailspin
And into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant
And died!
for me. You know why?

'Cause I had my table up
And my seat back in the upright position
Had my tray up
And my back in the full upright position
Had my table up
And my seat in the full upright position

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I from the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my and knees
For three full
Draggin' along my big suitcase
And my bag
And my tenor
And my 12-pound ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the famous
Albuquerque Inn!
the towels are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your
Right out of the ashtrays if you
It's okay, clean!

Well, I checked my room,
And I turned the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm just to eat
little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I so very, very much,
When suddenly there's a knock on the

Well, now, who could be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" There's no
"WHO IS IT!?" They're not sayin'

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
It's big, fat hermaphrodite
With a of seagulls, haircut,
And one nostril
Oh, man, I it when I'm right!

So, anyway,
He bursts my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you can't that!
That been just like a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he grabbed my
And I bit off his ear
And he chewed off my
And I out his appendix
And he gave me a colonic
Yes indeed-y, you better it!

And in the middle of it all
The phone got off the hook
And twenty later,
I a familiar voice
And you know what it
I'll ya what it said!

It said, "If you'd like to a call,
Please up and try again
If you help,
up and then dial your operator
If you'd like to a call
Please up and try again.
If you need
Hang up and dial your operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a long short,
He got with my snorkel
But I a solemn vow
Right and there
That I not rest,
I would not for an instant,
Until the man
Was to justice
But first, I to buy some donuts

So I got in my car
And I drove over to the shop
And I on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, we're cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, outta apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, outta bear claws!"

I said, "Well, in that
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is box of one dozen
Starving weasels."
I said, "Okay, I'll that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the weasels out
And they immediately latch my face
And start bitin' me all

Oh, man, they were just nuts!
They tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was just that time
that a little ditty started goin' my head
I believe it went a little somethin' this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out into the
these flesh-eating weasels
All my face,
Wavin' my arms all
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a constipated dog

And as would have it,
exactly when I ran into
The girl of my
Her name was

She was a enthusiast,
a slight overbite,
And hair the of strained peaches

I'll never
The very thing
She to me
She said, "Hey,
You've got on your face."

That's I knew it was true love

We inseparable after that
Aw, we ate
We bathed
We even shared the same
Of mint-flavored dental
The was our burrito

So we got married,
And we us a house
And had two children,
Nathaniel and
Oh we so very, very, very happy, oh yeah

But then, one night,
Zelda to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna join the Columbia Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not for that kind of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I saw her again
But that's just the way go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things started
up for me,
Because about a later
I finally achieved my lifelong
right, I got me a part-time job
At the Sizzler!

I even made employee of the
I put out that grease fire
my face!

Aw yeah, was pretty jealous
Of me after
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to remove my earwax
With a pencil,
When I see guy Marty
Tryin' to a big ol' sofa
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you want me to help you that?"
And Marty, he just his eyes
And goes, "No, I you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And he gets all indignant on me
He's like, "Hey, man, I was being sarcastic!"
Well, that's great.
How was I supposed to that?
I'm not a reader,
For out loud

Besides, now got
A really cute - Torso-Boy!
So he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another anecdote
This guy up to me on the street
And he me he hasn't had a bite
In days

Well, I knew he meant,
But to be funny,
I took a big
Out of his jugular
And yelling and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just keeps around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, missing
The irony of the whole
Man, some people can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda my train of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know kind of a roundabout way
Of it, but,
I the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I SAUERKRAUT!

all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way,
if one day you to wake up
And find in an existential quandry,
of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the and isolation
Of your pitiful existence,
At least you can take a small bit of
In that somewhere out there in this
ol' mixed-up universe of ours,
There's a little place
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!