Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was just a bitty boy
in a box
Under the
In the corner of the
In the house half a down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop
You know the

anyway,
Back life was going swell
And was just peachy!

Except of for the undeniable fact
That every morning
My mother would me a big ol' bowl of
Sauer for breakfast

Big bowl of kraut!
single mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She just at me like a cow looks
At an oncoming
And she leaned right next to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And she tied me to the wall
And a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me but sauer kraut
Until I was twenty-six and a half old

That's when I that someday,
Someday I would get outta that
And travel to a magical, far place,
the sun is always shining
And the air like warm root beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

Where the and the lepers
Play their ukuleles all day
And anyone on the
Will gladly shave your for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It long at all before my dream came true
Because the next day,
A local radio station had contest
To see who could guess the number
Of molecules in Leonard butt

I was off by three, but I still won the grand
That's right, a first class, ticket
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd never
On a airplane before
And I gotta ya
It was great

Except I had to sit
Between two Albanian women
excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in of me
Kept up the whole time
The flight ran out of
Dr. Pepper and salted
And the in-flight was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, of the airplane engines burned out
And we into a tailspin
And into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant
And died!
Except for me. You why?

I had my tray table up
And my back in the full upright position
Had my table up
And my seat back in the full upright
Had my table up
And my seat back in the full position

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I crawled the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my hands and
For three full
Draggin' along my big suitcase
And my bag
And my saxophone
And my bowlin' ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the world
Albuquerque Inn!
the towels are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat soup
out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's okay, clean!

Well, I checked my room,
And I down the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm just to eat
That little mint on my pillow
I love so very, very much,
When suddenly there's a on the door

Well, now, who could be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" no answer
"WHO IS IT!?" not sayin' anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
It's big, fat hermaphrodite
a flock of seagulls, haircut,
And only one
Oh, man, I hate it I'm right!

So, anyway,
He bursts my room,
And he my lucky snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you can't that!
snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he my esophagus
And I bit off his ear
And he chewed off my
And I out his appendix
And he me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed-y, you believe it!

And in the middle of it all
The phone got off the hook
And twenty later,
I a familiar voice
And you what it said?
tell ya what it said!

It said, "If like to make a call,
hang up and try again
If you help,
Hang up and then your operator
If you'd like to make a
hang up and try again.
If you help
Hang up and then your operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a long short,
He got away with my
But I a solemn vow
then and there
That I not rest,
I not sleep for an instant,
the one-nostrilled man
Was brought to
But first, I decided to buy some

So I got in my car
And I over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy the counter
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, outta jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any cream-filled donuts?"
He said, "No, we're Bavarian cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, we're outta rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, we're outta fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, we're bear claws!"

I said, "Well, in case
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is this box of one
Starving weasels."
I said, "Okay, take that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the weasels out
And they immediately latch my face
And bitin' me all over

Oh, man, they were just nuts!
were tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was about that time
that a little ditty goin' through my head
I believe it went a little like this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out into the
With flesh-eating weasels
All my face,
Wavin' my all around
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
a constipated wiener dog

And as would have it,
That's exactly I ran into
The girl of my
Her name was

She was a enthusiast,
With a overbite,
And the color of strained peaches

I'll forget
The very first
She to me
She said, "Hey,
You've got on your face."

That's when I knew it was true

We were after that
Aw, we ate
We together
We shared the same piece
Of mint-flavored dental
The world was our

So we got married,
And we bought us a
And had two children,
Nathaniel and
Oh we were so very, very, happy, oh yeah

But then, one night,
Zelda to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna join the Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not ready for kind of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I saw her again
But just the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things really
up for me,
Because a week later
I achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a job
At the Sizzler!

I even employee of the month
After I put out grease fire
my face!

Aw yeah, was pretty jealous
Of me after
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to my excess earwax
a golf pencil,
When I see guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol'
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you want me to you with that?"
And Marty, he rolls his eyes
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my and legs with a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And then he all indignant on me
like, "Hey, man, I was just being sarcastic!"
Well, that's great.
How was I supposed to know
I'm not a reader,
For out loud

Besides, now got
A really cute - Torso-Boy!
So what's he about?

Say, reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the
And he me he hasn't had a bite
In three

Well, I what he meant,
But to be funny,
I took a big
Out of his vein
And he's and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, on, don'tcha get it?"
But he keeps rolling around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, completely
The of the whole situation
Man, some just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I it's kind of a roundabout way
Of it, but,
I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make is

I SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm really to say
And, by the way,
if one day you to wake up
And yourself in an existential quandry,
Full of loathing and
And wracked the pain and isolation
Of your pitiful existence,
At least you can take a small bit of
In knowing that somewhere out in this
ol' mixed-up universe of ours,
There's a little place
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!