Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back I was just a little bitty boy
in a box
Under the
In the of the basement
In the house half a block down the street from Bait Shop
You know the

anyway,
Back then was going swell
And everything was peachy!

of course for the undeniable fact
That single morning
My mother would me a big ol' bowl of
kraut for breakfast

Big of sauer kraut!
single mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She just at me like a cow looks
At an oncoming
And she leaned down next to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And she tied me to the wall
And stuck a in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauer
I was twenty-six and a half years old

That's when I that someday,
Someday I would get outta that
And to a magical, far away place,
Where the sun is shining
And the air smells like root beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

the shriners and the lepers
Play ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the
Will shave your back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It wasn't long at all my dream came true
Because the next day,
A local radio had this contest
To see who could correctly the number
Of molecules in Leonard butt

I was off by three, but I won the grand prize
That's right, a first class, one-way
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd never
On a real before
And I tell ya
It was really

Except I had to sit
Between two Albanian women
With excruciatingly body odor
And the little kid in of me
Kept throwin' up the whole
The flight ran out of
Dr. and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the engines burned out
And we into a tailspin
And crashed into a
And the plane exploded in a giant
And died!
Except for me. You why?

'Cause I had my tray up
And my seat back in the full upright
Had my tray up
And my seat back in the full upright
Had my tray up
And my seat back in the full upright

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I crawled the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my and knees
For three full
Draggin' along my big leather
And my bag
And my tenor
And my 12-pound ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the world
Holiday Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat soup
Right out of the if you wanna
okay, they're clean!

Well, I checked my room,
And I turned the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm about to eat
That little chocolate mint on my
I love so very, very much,
When suddenly a knock on the door

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" no answer
"WHO IS IT!?" They're not sayin'

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
It's big, fat hermaphrodite
a flock of seagulls, haircut,
And one nostril
Oh, man, I it when I'm right!

So, anyway,
He into my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you have that!
That been just like a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he my esophagus
And I bit off his ear
And he chewed off my
And I took out his
And he gave me a colonic
Yes indeed-y, you believe it!

And somehow in the of it all
The phone got off the hook
And twenty later,
I heard a voice
And you what it said?
tell ya what it said!

It said, "If like to make a call,
Please hang up and try
If you help,
Hang up and then dial your
If you'd to make a call
Please up and try again.
If you help
up and then dial your operator
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a story short,
He got with my snorkel
But I a solemn vow
then and there
That I not rest,
I not sleep for an instant,
the one-nostrilled man
Was brought to
But first, I decided to buy some

So I got in my car
And I drove over to the shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta Bavarian donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, outta cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, we're outta fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, we're outta claws!"

I said, "Well, in that
In case, what do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is this box of one
Starving weasels."
I said, "Okay, take that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the jump out
And immediately latch onto my face
And bitin' me all over

Oh, man, they were goin' nuts!
They tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was about that time
a little ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little like this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out the street
With flesh-eating weasels
All my face,
my arms all around
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a constipated dog

And as would have it,
exactly when I ran into
The of my dreams
Her was Zelda

She was a enthusiast,
With a overbite,
And hair the of strained peaches

I'll forget
The first thing
She to me
She said, "Hey,
You've got weasels on face."

That's when I it was true love

We were after that
Aw, we ate
We bathed
We even shared the same
Of dental floss
The world was our

So we got married,
And we us a house
And had two children,
Nathaniel and
Oh we were so very, very, happy, oh yeah

But then, one night,
said to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not ready for kind of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I never saw her
But that's the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things started
up for me,
Because about a week
I finally achieved my lifelong
right, I got me a part-time job
At the Sizzler!

I even employee of the month
After I put out that fire
my face!

Aw yeah, everybody was jealous
Of me after
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to remove my earwax
With a pencil,
I see this guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol'
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you want me to help you that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his
And goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And then he all indignant on me
He's like, "Hey, man, I was being sarcastic!"
Well, that's great.
How was I to know that?
I'm not a reader,
For out loud

Besides, now got
A really nickname - Torso-Boy!
So what's he complaining

Say, that reminds me of another amusing
This guy up to me on the street
And he me he hasn't had a bite
In days

Well, I what he meant,
But to be funny,
I took a big
Out of his jugular
And he's yelling and
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just keeps around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, completely
The of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know it's kind of a way
Of it, but,
I the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm really to say
And, by the way,
if one day you happen to up
And yourself in an existential quandry,
Full of loathing and
And wracked with the and isolation
Of pitiful meaningless existence,
At least you can take a small bit of
In knowing that somewhere out in this
Crazy ol' universe of ours,
There's a little place
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!