Advice from Christmas Past

Why are such a stupid asshole?
Would you really like to know?
Well, pay your fee, remove your clothes, and Yvette will show you how

You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey
Be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird

Life can be perfect
People can be trusted
Someday, I will fall in love
A nice quiet home of my very own
Free from all hate
Happy and having fun all the time
It never happened did it?