Accidental Pimp

It was a dark and stormy night, and the bar was packed
I took a long hard pull on Jimmy, John and Jack
My buddies were a mess, we all looked like shit
and I was scanning round the place for any targets to hit

I said what next can I get some rough sex
Can I find a victim for my next conquest?
and just when I lamented
that the night was circumvented
in walked three fine young contented
foxy fine females!

We rolled on up, and I tipped my hat
thinking time to show these ladies where the cool kids at
We didn't mean no harm, and I was dripping with charm
but their cool reaction said we'd bought the farm

Their eyes cold frost, told us all to get lost,
get the hell away, begone at any cost
but just when doom was looming
conversation was resuming
and then they began consuming
some tequila shots!

Everybody knows somebody
who can't control their alcohol
And when they've lost those inhibitions
accidental pimps can have it all

As we watched from afar we saw 'em gulping it down
There was so much liquid flowing that I thought they would drown
We knew at that point that they were deep in a binge
and we had an opportunity to take our revenge

so we found a couple guys looking desperate as hell,
said for a hundred bucks that they could have some tail
then I pointed to the threesome,
said it was my little harem,
all they had to do was grab'em
and the night was theirs!

Everybody knows somebody
who can't control their alcohol
And when they've lost those inhibitions
accidental pimps can have it all

What I did was wrong, but those chicks were gone,
Within moments it was on like donkey kong
They never figured out what we'd gone and done,
and selling their ass paid for our night of fun

I say what now, got a new cash cow,
I'm the new king, milk years out of this sow
Just when you've made the grade,
in this game you always played,
threw yourself on the grenade,
and you're finally getting laid,
who d'ya think is getting paid?

Everybody knows somebody
who can't control their alcohol
And when they've lost those inhibitions
accidental pimps can have it all

Everybody needs some money
(you're drinkin, I'm pimpin, you've lost it, don't know it)
at least to buy some alcohol
(you're drinkin, I'm pimpin, you've lost it, don't know it)
And when your wallet's nearly empty
(you're drinkin, I'm pimpin, you've lost it, don't know it)
accidental pimps can have a ball
(you're drinkin, I'm pimpin, you've lost it, don't know it)