A Candymaker's Knife in my Handbag

A Candymaker's Knife in my Handbag

A night out in the tropics
Turned out I couldn't cope
After the School of Fancy Cookery
With Antoinette Pope

I learned brazing and saucing, meringue and sift
Knead, flute and flour
Each Thursday for an hour

Cobblers and plum cakes, tarts savory and sweet
A candymaker's knife in my handbag
A candymaker's knife in my handbag

Well I learned brazing and saucing, meringue and sift
Knead, flute and flour
Each Thursday for an hour

Cobblers and plum cakes, tarts savory and sweet
A candymaker's knife in my handbag
A candymaker's knife in my handbag

That night I was to meet my husband's father, for the very first time

I wore the scarf he sent to me
French silk, scarlet blue and cream
He sits, he waits, a coffee on his knee
I wonder if it's as bad as it might seem

Zapped by the Zombie
Zapped, zapped by the Zombie
Zapped by the Zombie in the two-door Dodge
Twice-baked brioche and pastry pockets
And lock its two-door Dodge

Zapped by the Zombie
Zapped, zapped by the Zombie
Zapped by the Zombie in the two-door Dodge

And I did not fail
To bust off a nail as the Dodge door handle dodges my hand
Delicate, delicate hold my hand
Delicate nectarine upside-down chiffon cake
Dodge down the downtown loop the loop lightly
Hazelnut baby loaves
Hazelnut baby loaves
Hold my hand inside-out upside-down marzipan Milanese
My brain is a blur
Hodge-podge - cardinal slice - two-door, brand new
What am I gonna do
'Cause on the street the amber lights were hellish hot
And the wind in the windows was not giving air
And tropical Napeolons
But it was too late and I didn't care
And I didn't care

Because first I went to meet Dr. Christopolous and his wife Claudette
Who at the time was my close girlfriend
They picked my up in their brand-new Dodge
And we went to Trader Vic's, or Mr. Rick's
And I ordered, like the others, a Zombie
And it bombed me, it just bombed me
And when we got to the stoop my father-in-law said "Were you attacked?"
My aunt, being helpful, said something that made my heart just go sunk
And with a look on her face like something had stunk
"She's just drunk!" she hissed

I reached for the arm of the armchair and missed

A night out in the tropics
Turned out I couldn't cope
After the School of Fancy Cookery
With Antoinette Pope

I wore the scarf he sent to me
French silk, scarlet blue and cream
He sits, he waits, a coffee on his knee
I wonder if it's as bad as it might seem