1-900 L.L. Cool J

Yo, hello, 1-900 L.L. Cool J?
Yeah whassup?
Can you please bust a funky rhyme for me?
Yeah, I can do that, check this one out, honey

I motivate, accelerate, devestate, and dominate
I don't smoke crack, so I won't lose weight
Give me the pussy and the money and the mic and I'm straight
Go to a resteraunt, give me steak
Then cook my chicken with Shake 'N Bake
I leave all the preachin' to Reverand Flake
How much money can one black man make?

I'm what's known as a true dynamiter
I write rhymes fast without a typewriter
Go with the flow, but no, I'm not a biter
Can't compare a cock-a-roach and a spider
Hell, you might as well get a glass of punch
'Cause you're bitin' my lyrics like a Nestle Crunch, huh
And bitin my rhymes ain't slick
I got your gold teeth marks all over my

Complications and aggravation, an unnecessary sation
I'm like Sunkist, good vibrations
Your album sounds like a compilation
Cool out, grab a seat and listen 'cause I'ma start dismissin'
Sucker MC's, who's out there frontin'
Talkin' all that yang, yo you smokin' somethin'
Shoulda treated me royal, yo he wasn't loyal
Now it's all about chaos and turmoil, gimme that microphone
I'ma show you the real meaning of the danger zone

Yo hello, is this 1-900 L.L. Cool J?
Yeah whassup?
Can you tell me what you do when you're coolin' out?"
Yo, check this out

Now when I'm coolin' out, no time for a granny
Just a fly girl in T-shirt and panties
Can L.L. [Incomprehensible] man, can he?
I tell you what, give up the fanny
'Cause on a bedroom tomb, J swift
Not too big, but nothin' to play with
In addition, you on a mission
You need to audition for another position

Doin damage is a crew tradition
Name your next album intermission
You're full of preservatives plus
You're too conservative
I'm full of flair, savoir faire, debonaire
There's no competition, for this here
So don't waste your time and breath
I'm givin you all a big F

MC's I envelop as the song goes on
The rhyme develops
I'm asiatic, acrobatic, charismatic
You don't want no static, anyway, I ain't havin' it
When I see the microphone, I'm grabbin' it
Plug it in and take charge
LL XL, xtra-large, knowhatI'msayin'?

Hello? Hello whassup, girl?
How you doin', girl? I been tryin' to call you all day
Word up, I was talkin' to L.L., he was kickin' some mo'
Hyped up rhymes to me
Word, I spoke to him today too, them rhymes was pumpin'
Well, not to cut you short but I gotta go 'cause my man is here
Alright, see ya