Touch-Tone Telephone

I think it's time
For you to know
The awful truth
The truth about me and the truth about you

'Cause you're a brand new species
Big cat (uh-oh)
Space nazis
Robert Stack (uh-oh)
Goddamnit
Gonna snap (uh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Leonard Nimoy
Call me back (Call me back!)

I try to call you every day
I'm rehearsing what to say
When the truth comes out (of my very own mouth)
I've been working on a unified theory
If I make it through tonight
Everybody's gonna hear me out

'Cause I'm the right one
On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone
I'm the only one
On your AM, AM radio

Oh, I'm crying now
Authentic tears
They flow out of me when I think about you
'Cause you're the only person in the world that understands
('Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand the meaning of this)
Oh my God! (I try and I try and I try to make you listen to me)

I try to call you every day
I'm rehearsing what to say
When the truth comes out (of my very own mouth)
I've been working on a unified theory
If I make it through tonight
Everybody's gonna hear me out

'Cause I'm the right one
On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone
I'm the only one (hey!)
On your AM, AM radio

Don't hang up yet
I'm not done
I'm an expert
I'm the one
The one who was right all along
Better to be laughed at than wrong

I'm an expert
In my field
UFO-logy
Yes, it's all real
Ancient aliens, it's all true
I'm an expert just like you

And like you, I'm a genius
Before my time
Disbelieving
That's the real crime
Pretty soon they'll discover me
In the Super-Sargasso Sea

I try to call you every day
What can I say
When the truth comes out (of my very own mouth?)
I've been working on a unified theory
If I make it through tonight
Everybody's gonna hear me out (now)

'Cause I'm the right one
On the touch-tone telephone (on the touch-tone, touch-tone telephone)
I'm the only one
On your AM radio (on your AM, AM radio)