The Promise Of Agony

(Hoglan)
You tell me
What will become of us?
Are the lines so drawn and the stage so set
That as we age what remains is burdened sufferance?
My mortality looms, in its visage is doom
And it's speaking to me alone
The years will unfold but what is the use?
In solitude I'm left to atone
The sins of my past
Are returning to gnaw at my core
The scars I have left
And those that have been left on me
My purpose in life
Is it unfair to assume I have one?
I'm not fooling myself
What now awaits is a nightmarish end
What I'm saying, do you understand?
Do you know what it's like to feel inadequate?
And the future ahead has no place for you
As if you ever thought it did&
Alone in my shell, if I come out I'll die
I don't want to escape though I should
No, just leave me alone, I don't want your help!!
Yeah, if you could ease my pain you would& (right!)
No, you don't even know me!
And your words of comfort fall upon deaf and frightened ears
I lament my bitter fate
Lachrymation upon examining my fears
I've built a fortress around my soul, impregnable the door
I refuse to admit you to my netherworld
You're correct, I've absolved my self-control
This spiraled course depression has me on
Ag only!!&
I'm a study in despair
Domineered by the promise of agony!
And the happiness is bound
And the hopelessness is found
I'm in agony!!
Can't you understand
Despondency commands my agony!!
And I'm waiting to die alone&
As I'm drowning in sea
Of abused visions and shattered dreams
A chilling descent into a phobic hell
Insanity's blade performs it's correctional surgery
Impending doom in this blackened room
I can give this all away
It's all so easy to capitulate
Nothing is making me stay&
Retreating within
And hiding behind my wall
Dealing without
There's no escape from this moribund state
Awaiting deep sleep
We don't care if I don't wake
In darkness' hands
Though terrified, I feel safe
I don't fit into the scheme of things!
These years as an outcast are quickly wearing thin
My carefree days are a thing of the past
And I welcome the fact that I'm coming to an end
Melancholy, my bride, I devote unto thee
My, breath, my mind and my soul
As silence washes over me
I've never been so tired, so cold
Confusion seizes onto me!
Manacled and beaten, chained up by its frozen vice
This is killing me
But my mind is set, and I'm too weak to fight
Have you any idea what It's like to want to die?
Then you will know from where I speak
This winter in my soul
This winter in my soul&
And I want to be left alone&
Yet again, I have no answers
The confusion of my fate takes its toll
Symbolically speaking, what's another life
That lists "ending itself" as its one and only goal?
I've examined my options and I see nothing in sight
Is there an avenue I've yet to explore?
As of now, I'm decided
I have nothing to live for&
Defeated, alone
Yet you laugh at the state that I'm in!
I can't help what I am
But you think this is all in my head
I'm not asking for help
But I want you to understand
That I'm going away
You guess if I'm coming back
You wish I had a will to live?
This condition I'm in didn't happen overnight
I've hated myself for an eternity
Now I finally feel that I'm doing something right
As darkness descends I behold the candlemass
I seek intimacy with death
Again, you're correct, these feelings will pass
When my memory is all you have left
My life has metamorphosed
Into a marriage of the twisted and macabre
I'm sitting here now feeling the effects of my words
Trying to see a reason why I should go on
I have to wonder, do I still believe in God?
'Cause God no longer believes in me
I lay myself down for my final peace
I welcome death, my spirit is free&
And I'm pleading to die alone&