The Pot & Kettle

One smoky day in a darkened scullery
Doon by the river in a factory town
Where bad things happen & the walls are drippn'
And the ghosts are flittin' frae the cold hard ground
A pot & kettle on the hob were settled
A' hissin' their patter so bileous cruel
An awfy matter o' clout & claterin'
Battlin' wits in a hideous duel

Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villain'
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire'
Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains'

"I've roasted a wealth of exotic things
All torn to ribbons at the hands of kings
Polished copper how I proudly shone
Stealin the fire of the blazing sun"

"Ye've boilt nae mair'n 'em old soup bones
Ive boilt the tea for them stately homes
I were rattled like a drum each Hogmanay
Then scrubbed tae the devil on the follwin' day"

Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villain'
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire'
Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains'

Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villain'
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire'
Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains'

"O kettle yer metal is a terrible hue
Riddled wi' holes cannae hold yer brew
Yer lids all crooked & yer sides bashed in
It'll no be long afore ye see the bin"

"Pot your not so bright as me
A hags old cauldron is all you'd be
You reek o' gruel & you're none too young
Fit for to carry but the peels & dung"

Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villain'
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire'
Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're an old piss bucket'
'You're a dented can'
'But we're neither as black as that roasting pan.'

Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villain'
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire'
Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains'

Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villain'
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire'
Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains'