words and music by Arlo
This next we're going to dedicate to a great American organization. Tonight I'd to dedicate this to our boys in the FBI.
Well, wait a minute. It's to be an FBI man. I mean, first of all, being an FBI man, you to be over 40 years old. And the reason is that it at least 25 years with the organization to be much of a bastard. It's true. You just can't join, you know. It an atmosphere where your natural bastardness can grow and develop and a shape in today's complex society.
But that's not why I to dedicate the song to the FBI. I mean, the job that have to do is a drag. I mean, they have to follow around, you know. That's part of their job. me around.
I'm out on the highway and I'm drivin' down the and I run out of gasoline. I pull over to the of the road. They gotta pull too - make believe that they ran out, you know.
I go to get some gasoline. They have to out whether they should stick with the car or follow me. I don't come back and stayin' with the car.
Or if I fly on the airplanes, I could fly half fare I'm 12 to 22. And they gotta pay the fare. But the thing is that when you pay the full fare, you have to get on the first, so that they know how many seats are left for the half fare kids. And sometimes there aren't any seats left over, and there are, but that doesn't mean that you to go.
Suppose he gets on and fills up the last seat, so you can't get on. Then he gets off you can get on. What's he gonna do?
Well, it's a for him. But that's not why I want to dedicate the to the FBI.
During these hard days and hard weeks, always has it bad once in a while. You know, you have a bad of it, and you always a friend who says "Hey man, you got it that bad. Look at that guy." And you at that guy, and he's got it worse than you. And it makes you better that there's that's got it worse than you.
But of the last guy. For one minute, think of the last guy. Nobody's got it worse that guy. Nobody in the whole world. That guy...he's so in the world that he even have a street to lay in for a truck to run him over. He's out there nothin'. Nothin's happenin' for that cat.
And all he has to do to create a little excitement in his own life is to bum a from somewhere, call up the FBI. Say "FBl?", say "Yes", say "I dig Uncle Ho and Chair- man Mao, and their are comin' over for dinner" (click) up the phone.
And two minutes, and not two minutes from when he hangs up the phone, but two from when he first put the dime in, they got 30,000 feet of tape files on tape; pictures, movies, dramas, actions on tape. But they send out a a million people all over the entire world, the globe, they find out all they can about guy.
there's a number of questions involved in the guy. I mean, if he was the last guy in the world, how'd he get a to call the FBI? There are plenty of that aren't the last guys that get dimes. He comes along and he gets a dime.
I mean, if he had to bum a to call the FBI, how was he gonna serve dinner for all of those How could the last guy make dinner for all those people. And if he make dinner, and was make dinner, then why did he call the
They find out all of those questions two minutes. And that's a great about America. I mean, this is the only in the world...l mean, well, it's not the only country in the world that could find stuff out in two minutes, but the only country in the world that would take two for guy.
Other would say "Hey, he's the last guy...screw him", you know? But in America, is no discrimination, and there is no hypocrisy,'cause they'll get anybody. And a wonderful thing America.
And that's why tonight I'd like to it to every FBI man in the audience. I you can't say nothin', you know, you can't get up and say "Hi!" then everybody knows that you're an FBI man and a drag for you and your friends.
not really your friends, are they? I mean, so you can't get up and say 'cause other wise, you gotta get sent back to the factory and a drag for you and it's an for the government, and that's a drag for you.
We're gonna sing you this Christmas carol. for all you out there in the audience tonight. It's called "The of Mr. Claus".
Why do you sit so strange? Is it you are beautiful? You think you are deranged Why do police beat on peace guys?
You must think Clause weird He has long and a beard his presents for free Why do police guys mess peace guys?
Let's get Santa Clause Clause has a red suit He's a And a beard, and hair Must be a What's in the pipe he's smoking?
Mister Clause in your home at night. He must be a dope fiend, to put you up Why do police beat on peace guys?