Waldo jeffers had reached his limit. it was now mid-august which meant that he had been separated from marsha for than two months. two months, and all he had to show was three dog-eared let And two very expensive long distance phone calls. when had ended and she'd returned to wisconsin, and he to locust, pennsylvania. she had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity, she would d Ccasionally, but merely as amusement. she remain faithfull.
But lately waldo had begun to worry. he had trouble sleeping at night and when he did, he had horrible dreams. he lay awake at night, tossing and turning underneath his pleated protector, Welling in his eyes. as he pictured marsha, her sworn vows overcome by liquor and the smooth soothing of some neanderthal, finally submitting to the final of sexual oblivion. it was mo An the mind could bear.
Visions of faithlessness haunted him. daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts. and the thing was they wouldn't really understand how she really was. he, waldo, alone, Rstood this. he had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche. he had made her smile, and she him, and he wasn't there. (ahhh....)
The idea came to him on the thursday before the mummers' parade was scheduled to appear. he had just finished and etching the edelsons lawn for a dollar fifty and had checked the mailbox E if was at least a word from marsha. there was nothing more than a circular from the amalgamated aluminum company of america inquiring into his zoning needs. at least they cared enough to E. it was a new company. you could go anywhere in the mail.
Then it struck him, he didn't enough money to go to wisconsin in the accepted fashion, true, but why not mail himself? it was absurdly simple. he would ship himself parcel post special deli The next day waldo went to the supermarket to purchase the necessary equipment. he bought masking tape, a staple gun and a medium sized box, just right for a person of his built. he judged A minimum of he could ride quite comfortably. a few airholes, some water, of course, midnight snacks and it would probably be as good as going tourist.
By friday afternoon, waldo was set. he was packed and the post office had to pick him up at three o'clock. he'd marked the package "fragile", and as he sat curled up inside, res The foam rubber cushioning he'd thoughtfully included, he to picture the look of awe and happiness on marshas face as she opened the door, saw the package, tipped the deliverer, and then o It to see her waldo finally there in person. she would kiss him, then, maybe could see a movie. if he'd only thought of this before. suddenly rough hands gripped his package and he felt hi Barne up. he landed with a thud in a and then he was off.
Marsha bronson had just finished setting her hair. it had been a very rough weekend. she had to not to drink like that. bill had been nice about it though. after it was over he'd said t E still respected her and, after all, it was certainly the way of nature, and even though, no he didn't her, he did feel an affection for her. and, after all, they were grown adults. oh, wh Lly could teach waldo - but seemed like years ago.
Sheila klein, her very, very best friend in through the porch screen door and into the kitchen.
"oh god, it's maudlin outside."
"i know what you mean, I feel all icky!" marsha tightened her cotton robe with the silk edge. sheila ran her finger over some salt grains on the kitchen table, licked her fingers a face.
"i'm supposed to these salt pills," but she wrinkled her nose, "they make me feel like throwing up." marsha started to pat herself under the chin, an exercise she'd seen Elevision. "god, don't even talk about that." she got up from the table and went to the sink where she picked up a bottle of and blue vitamins. "want one? supposed to be bett An steak." and to touch her knees.
"i don't think I'll ever touch a daiquiri again." she gave up and sat down, this time the table that supported the telephone. "maybe bill will call." she said to sheil Lance. sheila on a cuticle.
"after last night, I maybe you'd be through with him."
"i know what you mean, my god, he was like an octopus. hands all over the place." she gestured, her arms upwards in defense. "the thing is after a while, you get tired of Ing him, you know, and after all he didn't really do anything friday and saturday so I kind of owed it to him, you know what I mean." she started to scratch.
Sheila was giggling with her hand over her mouth. "i'll tell you, I feel the same way, and after a while," here she bend forward in a whisper, wanted to," and now she was lau loudly.
It was at this that mr. jameison of the clarence darrow post office rang the door bell of the large colored stucco frame house. when marsha bronson opened the door, he helped her carry the Age in. he had his yellow and green of paper signed and left with a fifteen cent tip that marsha had gotten out of her mothers small beige pocketbook in the den.
"what do you it is? " sheila asked.
Marsha stood with her folded behind her back. she stared at the brown cardboard carton that sat in the middle of the living room: "i don't know."
Inside the package waldo quivered with excitement as he listened to the muffled voices. sheila ran her over the masking tape that ran down the center of the carton. "why don't yo K at the return address and see who it is "
felt his heart beating. he could feel the vibrating footsteps. it would be soon.
Marsha walked the carton and read the ink-scratched label. "god, it's from waldo."
"that schmuck!" sheila.
Waldo with expectation.
"you might as well it," said sheila. both of them tried to flip the stable flap.
"ah," said groaning. "he must have nailed it shut." they tagged at the flap again. "my god, you need a power drill to get this thing opened." they pulled aga Quot;you can't get a grip!" they both stood still, heavily. "why don't you get the scissors," said sheila. marsha ran into the kitchen, but all she could find was a litt Wing scissors. then she that her father kept a collection of tools in the basement. she ran downstairs and when she came back, she had a large metal cutter in her hand. "this is Est I could find." she was out of breath. "here, you do it. I'm gonna die." she sank into a large fluffy and exhaled noisily. sheila tried to make a slit between the masking And the end of the cardboard, but the blade was too big and there was not enough room. "g-damn this thing!" she feeling very exaspe- rated. then, smiling "i got an idea.&quo Uot;what? " said marsha. "just watch," said sheila her finger to her head.
Inside the package, waldo was transfixed with excitement that he could hardly breathe. his skin felt from the heat and he could feel his heart beating in his throat. it would be soon.
Sheila stood quite upright and walked around to the other side of the package. then she sank down to her knees, grasped the cutter by both hands, a deep breath and plunged the long blade th The middle of the package, through the middle of the masking tape, through the card-board through the cushioning and right through the center of waldo jeffers head, split slightly and cau Ittle rhythmic arcs of red to gently in the morning sun.