The Everclear Song

Everyday in lunch in high school,
And all of my senior year,
I'd drink my Coca-Cola with a touch of everclear.
I never had to study math, science or history,
I'd have a chemical flashback to jog my memory.
In my junior year I swore I loved sweet Miss Sherrie-Ann,
One night I put some everclear in her Dr. Pepper can.
I thought it'd make her easy, but she took it pretty hard,
I took her home and rang her doorbell, left her lyin' in the yard.

Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nauseous, tell me who the hell needs that?
If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
Its the invisible intoxicant....its called everclear.

I remember my church picnic in the spring of '89,
They had 4 fresh watermelon sliced right off the vine.
When they bowed their heads giving grace for the food,
Hey, I pulled out the bottle, and I soaked them melons good.
Well they never knew what hit 'em, when the potion went to work,
They had Grandma's doin' backflips, Grandpa's lookin' up their skirts.
They were singing Hallelujah and Willie Nelson songs,
Preacher said it was the best dang picnic,
That the baptists had ever thrown.

Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nauseous, tell me who the hell needs that?
If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
Its the invisible intoxicant....its called everclear.

When I'm drinkin' everclear, I think I'm king of this whole world,
I'm bigger and badder than John Wayne and cooler than Steve Earle.
Until I wake up and I'm face down in the hall,
Hey, I'm completely naked, for a reason I can't recall.
Well I'm kinda, sorta thinkin' that maybe I met a chick,
'Cause there's perfume in the air, and there's lipstick on my neck.
Well I hope that she was pretty and I hope that she was kind,
Enough to leave my clothes somewhere they're easy to find.

Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nauseous; tell me who the hell needs that?
If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
Its the invisible intoxicant....its called everclear.