The Ballad Of Tom Jones

What did I do wrong?
Oh you nearly drove me cuckoo...
Am I really all that bad?
You're worse than Hannibal Lecter, Charlie Manson, Freddie Krueger...
Why're we still together?
Oh I can't leave you till you're dead...
You mean till death do us part?
I mean like cyanide, strangulation or an axe to your head...

It was lucky for us I turned the radio on
They say that music sooths the savage beast
There was something in that voice that stopped us seeing red
The two of us would surely have ended up dead

You stopped us from killing each other
Tom Jones, Tom Jones
You'll never know but you've saved our lives
Tom Jones, Tom Jones
I've never thrown my knickers at you...
And I don't come from Wales...

Still haven't solved our problem...
You mean we hate each other's guts?
Still wanna poison your pizza
And I still wanna cut off your nuts
I phoned the marriage guidance
I tied the phone line round your neck
I'm sick of all this hatred
Oh that would be the arsenic making you sick...

You were about to drive me over the edge of a cliff
As I tried to jump out I knocked the stereo on
You changed your mind and then slammed on the brakes
It was lucky for us we bought his Greatest Hits

You stopped us from killing each other
Tom Jones, Tom Jones
You'll never know but you've saved our lives
Tom Jones, Tom Jones
I've never thrown my knickers at you...
And I don't come from Wales...

And now our war it's over
I've lost the urge to brake your neck
I owe my life to "What's New Pussycat?"
"Delilah" stopped me hating you and wishing your death
Oh I used to call you a Satan
And you were Cruella DeVil
But now you call me your Delilah
And now I'm not your Lucifer
And I am just your pussycat

Well just a word of warning now
Just in case we ever get tired of his voice
I know the Mafia, Godzilla, King Kong
And I know an atom bomb that's going for this song

You stopped us from killing each other
Tom Jones, Tom Jones
You'll never know but you've saved our lives
Tom Jones, Tom Jones
I've never thrown my knickers at you...
And I don't come from Wales...

You stopped us from killing each other
Tom Jones, Tom Jones
You'll never know but you've saved our lives
Tom Jones, Tom Jones
I've never thrown my knickers at you...
And I don't come from Wales...