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i had a Mr.pip
Mr.pip is the of Dr.Pepper
but it's the bullshit
cause dude didn't get his degree
why did you to drop out and start making pot so soon
the for diet Dr.pepper
it tartes just like regular Dr.Pepper
well the they up
I to a doctor
all he did was blood from my neck
go see Dr.Acula
i want to hang a map of the world in my
and thm i'm but pins in all the locations
that i've to
but first i'm gonna to the top two corners
of the map so it won't fall
you know, people i'm into sports just because
i'm a man
I'm not into sports i i like gatorade
but that's as far as it goes
and by the way you don't to be sweaty
and holding a basketball to a gatorade
you can be... a thisty dude
Gatorade forgets about demographic
i'm thirsty for absolutly no
other than the fact that liquid has not touched my
for some time
can i have a Gatorade
or that lightning bolt mean no
yeah i'm not into
if i had an foot
my first reaction be
"that's not my foot"
i don't want to have my face in the of a Weedis box
i want to have my face in the of a Rice Crispies box
Snap, crackle, and pop
hey, how the fuck did he do
well in holywood it's all who you
and i know
i saw an HBO advertising a match
it it's a fight to the finish
that's a good to end
every Mcdonald's end the same way, right?
Mcdonald's end like this
and participations may vary
now i to open a Mcdonald's
and not participate in
i wanna be a Mcdonald's owner
i say

we got and blanckets
but not affiliated with that clown
he too many children

Videos

Mitch Hedberg - Best Show Ever!
Mitch Hedberg - Best Show Ever!
Soda Pop
Soda Pop
Pop
Pop
Best of Mitch Hedberg
Best of Mitch Hedberg
MITCH HEDBERG - #1 Standup Comedy Set EVER - Just For Laughs 2004 - **BEST QUALITY** - MH Awakening
MITCH HEDBERG - #1 Standup Comedy Set EVER - Just For Laughs 2004 - **BEST QUALITY** - MH Awakening
Mitch Hedberg: Classic Set at Just For Laughs from  2001!
Mitch Hedberg: Classic Set at Just For Laughs from 2001!
Mitch Hedberg - Topic
Mitch Hedberg - Topic
The Pipe - Mitch Hedberg
The Pipe - Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg on That 70's Show
Mitch Hedberg on That 70's Show
Mitch Hedberg Playlist
Mitch Hedberg Playlist
An incredible Mitch Hedberg Story
An incredible Mitch Hedberg Story
Mitch Hedberg: Waffles Are Like Pancakes With Syrup Traps | Late Night With Conan O'Brien
Mitch Hedberg: Waffles Are Like Pancakes With Syrup Traps | Late Night With Conan O'Brien
Mitch Hedberg Do You Believe In Gosh Complete
Mitch Hedberg Do You Believe In Gosh Complete
Final Words, Mitch Hedberg (He Said This 2 Weeks Before Dying)
Final Words, Mitch Hedberg (He Said This 2 Weeks Before Dying)
Mitch Hedberg - Breakfast Chef (1997) #shorts #standupcomedy #comedyshorts #standup #comedy
Mitch Hedberg - Breakfast Chef (1997) #shorts #standupcomedy #comedyshorts #standup #comedy
Mitch Hedberg joke about Drugs 💀 #mitchhedberg #comedy
Mitch Hedberg joke about Drugs 💀 #mitchhedberg #comedy
Mitch Hedberg on Letterman - Stand Up Comedy 2/5/1999
Mitch Hedberg on Letterman - Stand Up Comedy 2/5/1999
"An escalator can never break..." 🎤: Mitch Hedberg #shorts
"An escalator can never break..." 🎤: Mitch Hedberg #shorts
Classic Mitch Hedberg, so relatable 😂🏌️‍♂️
Classic Mitch Hedberg, so relatable 😂🏌️‍♂️
Mitch Hedberg - This is not a library, Ordered a chicken sandwich & Carmex
Mitch Hedberg - This is not a library, Ordered a chicken sandwich & Carmex