Motherfucker

Jesus Christ! I must look like a sucker,
My gal's runnin' round with some other motherfucker.
That son of a bitch has sure got a lot of nerve.

I drive fast every time I get the chance,
And I'd teach the devil how to dance
If he'd teach me how to get what I deserve.

The devil showed up one Christmas night,
I was out on Broad Street underneath the traffic light,
He said, 'How'd you like a drink, son, Or maybe a bite to eat?

I said, 'I ain't hungry, but I could go
For somethin' to ease my pain, ya know?
My gal, she just ran out on me.'

The devil said, 'When I get down I like to have me a thrill
But if I were to drive us around now, I fear we'd be killed.'
So he handed me a bottle of bourbon and his car keys.

He said 'You close your eyes now around this next turn,
And I'll get you that little girl that you THINK you deserve
Or I'll end your silly blues singing misery.'

I said, 'Jesus Christ I must look like a sucker,
Getting beckoned by bets from a red motherfucker.'
But the devil seemed like a decent guy to me.

My life was going shitty and the deal sounded good
So I aimed that car for the biggest tree out in the woods
And watched the speedometer creep up past 70.

I remember the sound of metal and wood smackin',
Going 65 to 0 in no time flat,
and white being the only color I could see.

I knew I couldn't be up in heaven
'Cause I've been getting fucked up and fucking off
Since I was only fucking 7, and I only die ever-so rarely.

I don't know how the devil felt
But I was fine and dandy with my airbag and seatbelt
Just thinkin' about my darlin' holding me.

I said 'A deal is a deal, and a bet is a bet
So you owe me a pretty girl, or at least a cigarette
Then you can go and get the hell away from me.'

The devil said 'Jesus Christ! I must look like a sucker,
I made a stupid bet with a crazy motherfucker!'
Well the devil ain't got shit on me! No! Not shit! Woo!