Miss Patsy

My dearest Miss Patsy, Im writing to say
That Im sorry to not be in touch
Its been quite a parade, but my thoughts never strayed
Too far, or too long, or too much

Miss Patsy, forgive all the choices I made
Ive been fighting shadows on the wrong crusade
Looking for ghosts in a penny arcade
Miss Patsy, no more will I roam
Miss Patsy, wont you carry me home?

They held me to ransom back there in the foothills
And nobody stumped up a bean
Not Swifty, nor Eddie, came up with the ready
It can make you think people plain mean

Ive been hanging out with some virtuous people
They emptied my bank account twice
They gave me self-confidence, even some clothes
And a truckload of love and advice

When they gave out the cyanide pills with a wink
And said, "Wait for the word, any day now, we think"
I knew it was time to pull back from the brink
Miss Patsy, no more will I roam
Miss Patsy, wont you carry me home?

Miss Patsy, I looked at myself in the mirror
Decided I needed some work
Got me a nose job, a shave and a haircut
To drive all them ladies berserk

But the arm 'round my waist was a man in dark blue
He said, "Aint you him? Weve been looking for you"
Now Im sharing a cell with a holy kung fu
Miss Patsy, no more will I roam
Miss Patsy, wont you carry me home?