Luckiest Loser

Man, you're really one heck of a guy
Best friend since junior high
You showed me Playboy for the very first time
That was rad

We saw Bon Jovi, we sat in the front row
I pierced your ear right before the show
We stole your brother's beer
And he didn't know

Your new girlfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love
Or did you just wanna get some?

That girl is crazy, she's a loco-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You better run for cover
'Cause she's ticking like a time bomb
And did I mention that you both suck.com

Now you're stuck with her
Like Mellencamp is stuck with Cougar
I guess that makes me the luckiest loser

I met her at a kegger, passed out in the yard
Getting in her pants wasn't really that hard
6 months later, she crashed my car
That was rad

She's got a glow from her spray on tan
Marilyn Manson is her favorite band
I really think she might worship Satan
Not a band

Your new boyfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love
Or did you just wanna get some?

That girl is crazy, she's a loco-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You better run for cover
'Cause she's ticking like a time bomb
And did I mention that you both suck.com?

Now she's stuck with you
Like a frat guy with a bad tattoo
Like Celebrity Golf with Alice Cooper
Guess that makes me the luckiest loser

Mel Gibson, Danny Glover
You deserve each other
A 'Lethal Weapon' when you take her home
To meet your mother

She was a superstar
Back seat of my car
Those days are over
Now life goes on, yeah

Your new girlfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love
Or did you just wanna get some?

That girl is crazy, she's a loco-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You better run for cover
'Cause she's ticking like a time bomb
And did I mention that you both suck.com?

Now your stuck with her
Like Mellencamp is stuck with Cougar
Like number two on a pooper scooper
I guess that makes me the luckiest loser

(That girl is crazy, she's a loco-motion)
Luckiest loser
(I know you know she used to be my girl)
Luckiest loser

(You better run for cover)
Luckiest loser
('Cause she's ticking like a time bomb)
(And did I mention that you both suck?)