La Vie Boheme

ANGEL
Who died?

BENNY
Our Akita

ANGEL, ROGER
Evita

BENNY
You make fun - yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your
Stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta,
Bohemia is dead

MARK
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER
Dies irae - dies illa, Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v'yitkadash

MARK
Here she lies, no one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On these nights when we
Celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass - you bet your ass to -
La vie Boheme

ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

MARK
To days of inspiration
Playing hookey, making
Something out of nothing
The need to express-
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane, going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old Mom and Dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three-piece suits
To fruits - to no absolutes-
To Absolut - to choice-
To the Village Voice-
To any passing fad
To being an us for once ... instead of a them!!

ALL
La vie Boheme, La vie Boheme

MR. GREY
Ahhemm

MAUREEN
Hey Mister - she's my sister

WAITER
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls

ROGER
Eww

COLLINS
It tastes the same

MIMI
If you close your eyes

WAITER
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?

ALL
Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers
Made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation

MARK
Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

COLLINS
To Sontag

ANGEL
To Sondheim

FOUR GIRLS
To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage,

COLLINS
Lenny Bruce

ROGER
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN
To the stage

BOHEMIANS
To Uta. To Buddha. Pablo Neruda, too.

MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

ALL
La vie Boheme

MR. GREY
Sisters?

MAUREEN & JOANNE
We're close

ANGELS & COLLINS
Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL & MIMI
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,
Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antoniotti, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC
To no shame - never playing the Fame Game

COLLINS
To marijuana

ALL
To sodomy, it's between God and me
To S & M

BENNY
Waiter ... Waiter ... Waiter ....... Waiter!

ALL
La vie Boheme

COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon
will commence immediately following dinner ...
Maureen Johnson, just
back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will perform Native American tribal chants backwards through her recorder,
while accompanying herself on the electric
cello - which she has never studied.

ROGER
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary
about his inability to hold an erection
on the high holy days.

MARK
And Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,
will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance
to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.

BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us.

MIMI
There's nothing to know

BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss...

MIMI
It was three months ago.

BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you.

MIMI
We're taking it slow.

BENNY
Where is he now?

MIMI
He's right... Hmm, where'd he go?

MARK
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
(Roger plays a solo)
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz!"

COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions
from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.

ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist -
including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T.
virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:

ALL
"Actual reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS"

MIMI
Excuse me - did I do something wrong?
I get invited - then ignored all night long

ROGER
I've been trying - I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage

MIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

ROGER
I should tell you

MIMI
I got baggage too

ROGER
I should tell you

ROGER & MIMI
Baggage

ALL
Wine and beer!

MIMI
AZT break

ROGER
You?

MIMI
Me. You?

ROGER
Mimi