Kings And Queens (Ruthless Rulers)

I'm William the Conqueror
My enemies stood no chance
They call me the first English king
Although I come from France

1066, the Doomsday book
I gave to history
So fat on death my body burst
But enough about me

To help remember all your kings
I've come up with this song
A simple rhyming ditty
For you all to sing along

Oh, William
(Bit short init? We need more kings. Who came next?)

William second, cheeks were red
Killed out hunting, so it's said
I took over, Henry one
That's my next eldest son

Then King Stephen, it's true check it!
Hi, Henry two, killed Thomas Beckett
Richard Lionheart? That's right!
Always spoiling for a fight

Oh King John, what a disaster
Rule restrained by Magna Carta

William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Time for my mate, King Henry eight
To take up this song

Henry three built the abbey
Ed one hated Scots
A red hot poker killed Ed two
That must have hurt him lots

Edward third was a chivalry nerd
Began the hundred years war
Then Richard two was king aged ten
Then Henry, yes one more

King Henry four, plots galore
Not least from Henry five, why?
Killed ten score at Agincourt
Then Henry six arrived

Edward four, Edward five
Richard the third, he's bad
'Cause he fought wars with Henry seventh
First Tudor and my dad

So Henry eight, I was great
Six wives, two were beheaded
Edward the sixth came next, but he died young
And so my dreaded
Daughter Mary ruled, so scary
Then along came... me
I'm Liz the first, I had no kids
So Tudors RIP

William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two
Then three more Henrys join our song
Edward, Edward, Rich the third
Henry, Henry, Ed again
Mary one, good Queen Bess
That's me, time for more men

James six of Scotland next
Is English James the first he led
Then Stuarts ruled, so Charles the first
The one who lost his head

No monarchy until came me
Charles two, I liked to party
King Jimmy two was scary, woooh
Then Mary was a smarty

She ruled with Bill, their shoes were filled
By sourpuss Queen Anne Gloria
And so from then, you were ruled by men
Till along came me Victoria

William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two
Then three more Henrys join our song
Edward, Edward, Rich the third
Henry, Henry, Ed again
Mary one, good Queen Bess
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then
Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria
Still to come, it's Queen Victoria

And so began the Hanover gang
George one and George two (grim)
Then George the third was quite absurd
Till I replaced old him

King George the fourth and known henceforth
As angry, fat and cross (hang on)
It's true you beat Napoleon
But were mostly a dead loss (bang on)

Old William four was a sailor (ahoy)
It's nearly the end of the story-a
As onto the scene comes the best loved queen
Hail to Queen Victoria

William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two
Then three more Henrys join our song
Edward, Edward, Rich the third
Henry, Henry, Ed again
Mary one, good Queen Bess
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then
Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria
George, George, George, George
Will, Victoria
Victoria Victoria Victoria

(I ruled for sixty four years, you know.)

Ed seven, George five
Then Ed, George sixth
Liz two then reigned and how
And so our famous monarch song
Is brought right up to now, oh

William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two
Then three more Henrys join our song
Edward, Edward, Rich the third
Henry, Henry, Ed again
Mary one, good Queen Bess
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then
Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria
George, George, George, George
Will, Victoria
Edward, George, Edward, George six
And Queen Liz two completes the mix

That's all the English kings and queens
Since William first that there have been