If I Had One

Jackknife, brake at the traffic stop
Interstate lookin' like a parkin' lot
Fat boy flying on a Fat Boy bike
Weavin' in and out and passin' me by

I honked my horn and shot the bird at that crazy SOB
Yeah, but deep down, I was wishin' it was me

But if I had one, I'd have to say
I'd probably do the same dang thing
Pull her to the shoulder and let that steel horse run
I'd be hell on wheels if I had one

Called my brother said, "How you've been?
We ain't been fishin' since I don't know when"
He said, "This graveyard shift's a graveyard grind
I got more bills than I got time"

I'd love to weigh the line but my wife just stay on my case
I said "I guess I know who wears the pants around your place"

But if I had one, I'd have to say
I'd probably do the same dang thing
Stay at home holdin' my baby when the workday is done
Yeah, I'd try to keep her happy if I had one

Sittin' on a bar stool talkin' to a lady
She's runnin' my tab up, callin' me baby
Buy her a drink she'll let you chase her
And watch her shake her money maker

Boy if I had one I'd have to say
I'd probably shake it the same damn way
Hike it up high 'cause I could get it, son
I'd never buy another beer if I had one
You know things would be different if I had one

That's what I'd do if I had one of those
I'd do it just like that, right there
Things would be different if I had one, too
But I don't, but if I had one, yeah buddy, ooh buddy