If I Could Almost Read Your Mind

1970
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If I could read their minds
I kind of think I'd see
A lot of little questions there concerning me

For instance . . .

Has he aged, or did he lose weight?
I think I read somewhere that he's 38!
He hasn't lost his hair, he could stand a little dye!
He looks relaxed up there but what's he like inside?

How does old perra-la unwind?
I could almost read their minds!

From my publicity
I'll bet you'd like to know,
If I'll stay awake thru the entire show?
You wonder what's beneath that florida tan
Deep down inside is he . . .
A dirty old man?

What does it really take to make him lose his cool?
Does he go anywhere without that tired stool?
Does he notice girl's behinds?
I can almost read your minds!

It doesn't take a guy equipped with esp
To see what's cookin' with your curiosity!
Is "mister nice guy" just a press agent's pitch?
His dearest friends say he's a . . .

You never thought you'd see me in las vegas 'live'
I haven't played a "club" since 1885!
It's spelled out in dollar signs ( you better believe it! )
I can almost read your minds!

1980
------------------------

If I could read your minds
I kind of think I'd see
A lot of little questions there concerning me

For instance . . .

Has he aged, or did he put on weight?
I think I read somewhere that he's 38!
He hasn't lost his hair, but he could stand a little dye!
Looks relaxed up there but what's he like inside?

How does old perra-louch unwind?
I can almost read your minds!

From my publicity
I'll bet you'd like to know,
If I'll stay awake thru the entire show?
You wonder what's beneath that florida tan
Deep down inside is he . . .
A dirty old man?

You wonder what it takes to make him lose his cool?
Does he have "holy" water in his swimming pool?
Would he pinch a girl's behind?

It doesn't take a guy equipped with esp
To see what's goin' with your curiosity!
Is "mister nice guy" just a press agent's pitch?
His dearest friends say he's a . . .

Now this may sound clich, but clichs are often true
I'm glad you let me come an' sing my songs to you
And I'm happy that I find
That I could almost read your minds!