If a Girl Isn't Pretty

If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets in life is pity
And a pat

Kindly name a star who hasn't
Won a contest or a pageant
If she hasn't she just never
Gets to bat

She must shine in every detail
Like a ring, you're buying retail
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress

When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
Then to me it doesn't spell
Success

Frumpy faces that could cause ya
To have temporary nausea
Do I have to hear a lecture
Such as that?

Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail
Or drown the cat?

So she looks a bit off balance
She possesses golden talents
Or is that a pill too bitter
To digest?

Oh, she's got very nice deportment, hm
But when they see that at Ortmund's
From the gallery they'll be
Throwing fruit