I'm The Greatest Star

I got 36 expressions
Sweet as pie to tough as leather
And that's six expressions
More than all them Barrymores put together

Instead of just kicking me
Why don't they give me a lift?
Well, it must be a plot
'Cause they're scared that I got such a gift?

Well, I'm miffed 'cause I'm the greatest star
I am by far but no one knows it
Why, they're gonna hear a voice
A silver flute, they'll cheer each toot
Hey, that kid is terrific
When I expose it

Now can't you see to look at me?
That I'm a natural Camille, as Camille
I just feel, I've so much to offer
Hey, listen kid, I know I'd be divine because
I'm a natural cougher

Some ain't got it, not a lump
I'm a great big clump of talent
Laugh, they'll bend in half
Did you ever hear the story
About the traveling salesman?
A thousand jokes
Stick around for the jokes

A thousand faces, I reiterate
When you're gifted, then you're gifted
These are facts, I've got no ax to grind
Hey, whaddaya blind?
In all of the world so far
I'm the greatest star

No autographs, please
You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever?
I should say not, any minute now, they're gonna be out
Finished, then it'll be my turn

Who is the pip with pizzazz?
Who is all ginger and jazz?
Who is as glamorous as?

Who's an American Beauty Rose?
With an American Beauty nose
And ten American Beauty toes?

Eye on the target and wham
One shot, one gun shot and bam
Hey Mister Keeney, here I am

I'm the greatest star, I am by far
But no one knows it, that's why I was born
I'll blow my horn, till someone blows in

I gotta break the lights, gotta flash the light
I'll flicker, then flare up
All the world's gonna stare up

Lookin' down, you'll never see me
Try the sky 'cause that'll be me
I can make 'em cry, I can make 'em sigh

Someday, they'll clamor for my drama
Have you guessed yet? Who's the best yet?
If you ain't, I'll tell you one more time

You'll bet your last dime
In all of the world so far
I am the greatest, greatest star