I'll Never Tell

This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine

But Im out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is Ill never tell

She is the one, she's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when Im right in her tight
Embrace, tight embrace

Ill never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that, no
Ill never tell
'Cause there's nothing to tell

He snores, she wheezes
Say, housework and he freezes
She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe

I talk, he breezes
She doesn't know what please is
His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe
The vibe gets kind of scary

Like she thinks I'm ordinary
Like it's all just temporary
Like her toes are kind of hairy
But it's all very well
'Cause, god knows I'll never tell

When things get rough
He just hides behind his Buffy
Now look, he's getting huffy
'Cause he knows that I know

She clings, she's needy
She's also really greedy
She never, his eyes are beady
This is my verse
Hello?

She look at me
I'm dancin' crazy

You know, you're quite the charmer
My knight in armour
You're the cutest of the scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple tight embrace

He swell, she's sweller
He'll always be my feller
That's why Ill never
Tell her that Im petrified

Ive read this tale
There's wedding
Then betrayal
I know there'll come the day
I'll want to run and hide

I lied, I said it's easy
Ive tried but there's these fears I can't quell
Is she looking for a pot of gold?
Will I look good when Ive gotten old?

Will our lives become too stressful
If Im never that successful?
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley

Am I crazy?
Am I dreamin'?
Am I marrying a demon?
We could really raise the beam
In makin' marriage a hell
So, thank god I'll never tell
I swear that Ill never tell

My lips are sealed
I take the fifth
Nothing to see
Move it along
Ill never tell