I Fell Down

If I fell from the top of a river
Would you watch until I hit the ground
Counting my fingers and teeth
Ounce for ounce, and pound for pound

Water rising and forcing a shiver
Fills my mouth 'till I'm new to make sound
Forearms bruised, and blackened, and weak
where you squeezed and said I won't let you drown

If my lungs start failing to deliver
oxygen that I breath to my brain
Then I promise that I'll leave the room
So you don't see me going insane

And my fingers sit still in their quiver
While my eyes rest intent and mundane
While your face watches worried and pale
your lips whisper don't do this again

I sunk deep in my old faded t-shirts
Too old to throw out, too deprived
They remember me saying I love you
and me thinking it's alright to die
They remember my cold-white affection
Like snow you wear on your insides
They remember me thinking I hate this
that I'm not making this out alive
They remember my constant confliction
thinking "why might a god have to hide?"
They remember my constant resistance
every time that I opened my eyes
They remember me pushing them outwards
off the bed as I lied on my side
They remember me falling asleep
Being scared half to death back to life