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Folks, I believe in my heart that the Department of Homeland Security's color-coated heightened-state-of-awareness system might be the most useless thing shoved down
the the throats of the American people. In all my travels I've yet to meet one who knows what to do
if the heightened-state-of-awareness is yellow or orange or orange or yellow. Nothin' ever happens
anyway. I haven't met person that that there are five. heightened-states-of-awareness in this country. Did
you know that sir? no you didn't. *chuckles* I don't know. Blue, green, yellow, orange and red. Apparently
when the heightened-state-of-awareness is blue, you don't even need sunscreen. You can just walk naked.
*in Scotsman's voice" You can't even burn my cock! I'm not why the Scottish guy said that haha. *in
Scotsman's voice" You can't even my cock. The biggest problem I have with the
heightened-state-of-awareness system in this country is that it no sense, the second biggest problem I
have with it is that it scares my mother...thanks. The last the heightened-state-of-awareness switched
yellow to orange my mother called me, and my mother is very...um...rural. As am I. And mother called me
and she goes, "The heightened-state-of-awareness switched to orange." And I said, "I know mother, I was
watching television." She goes,"I don't know what to do." I said, "Mother, no one knows what to do, they
even print a flier this program. But sense we were attacked on 9/11 we've all been in a
heightened-states-of-awareness." She goes, "I know what that means." I said, "M-m...Well mom, if the
person infront of you has 7 h's in there name and a basket of fucking cobras...check shoes for fuses." And
that's not racism, that's profilin'. And ya have to do profilin, you can't frisk 10 grandmothers just to
pretend guy doesn't look susupicious. Bullshit. Go frisk his ass and when he gets all pissed of go 'sorry'. And
if he's still off after that go "Hey you wore the fuckin turbin to the airport buddy." Buy a John Deer cap for
travel days. Fuck I don't know. Buy a John Deer turbin do they make em? I'm sorry, we're a little edgy. If I were in charge of the Department of Homeland Security we'd have a heightened-states-of-awareness in this country that's for sure, but we'd have one that made sense and one that the fine citizins of this country understood. And we would have two heightened-states-of-awareness; Go find a helmet. Put on the fucking helmet. That way I know what to say to my mother when she calls "I don't know what to do, it's put on a fucking helmet day!" Put on a fucking helmet. *imitates mother putting on helmet* That strap goes under your chin mother. *imates mom moving like robot* When mother has her helmet on she forgets her neck works. "Just turn your head mom," *imates mom moving like robot* "...you're gettin' it."

Videos

Put the Damn Helmet On! (Remastered)
Put the Damn Helmet On! (Remastered)
Ron White's Heightened State of Awareness System!!!
Ron White's Heightened State of Awareness System!!!
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Ron White - Hurricane
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Ron White Near Miss Plane Crash
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Ron White on TSA
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Ron White Behavioral Problems 2010 - Ron White Stand-up Comedian Special Full Show (FULL HD, 1080p)
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Heightened State of Awareness
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Ron White on Paying for the War
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What To Do In A HURRICANE! By Ron White
Heightened State Of Awareness Ron White - Jincheng Zhang (Official Music Video)
Heightened State Of Awareness Ron White - Jincheng Zhang (Official Music Video)
Official Ron White - I Got Thrown Out of a Bar
Official Ron White - I Got Thrown Out of a Bar
Ron White: California Cops
Ron White: California Cops
Ron White   Deer Hunting
Ron White Deer Hunting
RON WHITE - 1999 - Standup Comedy
RON WHITE - 1999 - Standup Comedy
Official Ron White - 'Coupins'
Official Ron White - 'Coupins'
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Heightened State of Awareness
Ron White Newest 2018 - Ron White Stand Up Comedy Show
Ron White Newest 2018 - Ron White Stand Up Comedy Show
It falls off (Ron White)
It falls off (Ron White)
Ron White - Swallowing a $2,000 Tooth - This Is Not Happening
Ron White - Swallowing a $2,000 Tooth - This Is Not Happening
Ron White Hollywood FL - Sobriety Checkpoint
Ron White Hollywood FL - Sobriety Checkpoint