Harold The Barrel

A well-known Bognor restaurant-owner
Disappeared early this morning
Last seen in a mouse-brown overcoat suitably camouflaged
They saw him catch a train

Father of three its disgusting
Such a horrible thing to do
Harold 'The Barrel' cut off his toes
And he served them all for tea

Can't go far, he can't go far
Hasn't got a leg to stand on
He can't go far

I'm standing in a doorway
On the main square tension is mounting
There's a restless crowd of angry people
More than we've ever seen had to tighten up security

Over to the scene at the town hall
The Lord Mayor's ready to speak
Man of suspicion, you can't last long
The British public is on our side

Can't last long, you can't last long
Said you couldn't trust him
His brother was just the same
You can't last long

If I was many miles from here
I'd be sailing in an open boat on the sea
Instead I'm on this window ledge
With the whole world below
Up at the window look at the window

We can help you, we can help you
We're all your friends
If you come on down and talk to us son
You must be joking, take a running jump

The crowd was getting stronger
And our Harold getting weaker
Forwards, backwards, swaying side to side
Fearing the very worst they called his mother to the sight

Upon the ledge beside him
His mother made a last request
Come off the ledge if your father were alive
He'd be very, very, very upset

Just can't jump, you just can't jump
Your shirt's all dirty
There's a man here from the BBC
You just can't jump

We can help you, we can help you
We're all your friends
If you come on down and talk to us Harry
You must be joking, take a running jump